


Savior Beneath These Dirty Sheets

by vagrantBreath



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alpha Lotor, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Birth Control, Depression, M/M, Masturbation, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Omega Keith (Voltron), Savior Complex, Slut Shaming, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Trans Keith (Voltron), Transphobia, not your average omegaverse fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-06 04:41:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 22,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12809841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vagrantBreath/pseuds/vagrantBreath
Summary: Throughout Keith's life, he tried to understand what was wrong with him. What were these cycles of increased arousal and depression? Why did he have the body he had?Hopefully, space has answers for this.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Thanksgiving! I hope everyone's having a great day, and to those of us that celebrate Thanksgiving today, I hope you had a great one!

"Don't pick." A perfectly manicured hand slapped Keith's fingers, scolding him for picking at his jeans. He scowled but laced his hands together.

Waiting for a doctor to enter the room was the worst. Even worse was the fact the doctor would have the results of Keith's blood work and why he wasn't having periods. Maybe it might answer some of the really nasty mood swings, he thought, resisting the urge to pick at his jeans again. Any outbursts had just been chalked up to _Maria_ coming up to _her_ time of the month. Keith scowled harder. That wasn't even his birth name. His father had still given him a girl's name, but it wasn't some dumb name like _Maria._

… it had been ages since he had been called Akemi, though. And hated it more than Maria. He was _Keith._

The doctor (gynecologist, Keith reminded himself) finally entered, and Keith blinked at the absolutely baffled look on his face. Weren't doctors supposed to always be calm and collected? And know everything? Weren't they supposed to know what was up with his dumb body and know how to fix it?! The gynecologist took a seat, looking at the folder in his hands. "Well, Keith," he said, and Keith cheered internally as he used the right name, "you're certainly unique."

"Well, we knew _Maria_ is special," his foster mother said, stressing the wrong name. "But we need to know what's wrong with her."

Here, the gynecologist sighed, and Keith internally cheered again as he looked annoyed with his foster mother already. Good, someone else annoyed with her. "None of his symptoms match up with anything we know of," he said, subtly emphasizing the male pronoun.

"That's just unacceptable." Keith couldn't wait to be kicked to the curb by this family. He couldn't stand this woman. "There has to be something."

"As far as we can tell, the closest we can get is Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, or PCOS. Some of the most common symptoms are extra hair on the face and body, which Keith has, irregular or no periods, and you say you've had some mood issues?" At Keith nod, the doctor continued. "But we've done a test on his hormones and they aren't consistent with PCOS and-"

"What are the treatments for PCOS?" His foster mother didn't sound like she wanted to hear another word of what it could be and just wanted a solution.

The doctor took a deep breath. "We would start him on hormonal birth control-"

"That's unacceptable," his foster mother announced, grabbing her bag. "I'm not putting her on slut's medicine. Come on, Maria. We're leaving."

Keith heart sank.

  


* * *

  


Shiro wrapped Keith up in a blanket, his eyes worried. Keith didn't know what to say. He had lasted so long since that day at the doctor's with his foster mother's. The cycle of being okay, then his mood dropping off a cliff- and suddenly, at age 16, he started wanting to jump any male that walked by and that just felt so _gross_ because he knew they wouldn't want someone like him, someone that presented completely male naturally, someone that naturally grew facial hair and didn't grow breasts, but had a cunt-

The bandages around his wrists itched.

"You want to talk about it?" Shiro asked, his voice quiet.

"I'm tired of this," Keith whispered, his voice cracking. Even that was naturally deep. He didn't have to try to speak deeper. "I've tried everything, Shiro. You saw the list of medications I've tried. Anti-depressants just don't work. I'm so tired of this. I-"

"We can ask the Garrison to try something else," Shiro told him. "I've heard success with birth control. An old girlfriend of mine said her depression lifted when she was on the right brand of the pill. You can try that."

Keith shuddered, remembering the words his foster mother had said. Slut's medicine. "Shiro…"

"Just go to the Garrison doctors," Shiro urged him. "Maybe they know something you haven't tried."

"We even tried lithium," Keith whispered. "Shiro, I-"

"Just talk to someone. Please. I don't- I don't want to have to bury you, Keith."

Keith felt tear prickle at his lashes, and he nodded, pulling the blanket in tighter around him. He even worried the one friend he had at the Garrison. What was he doing? Why was he doing this?

Shiro hugged him tightly, and Keith could feel him shaking as he did so. He exhaled shakily, and hugged back, his fingers digging into his jacket. "Are they going to take me away because I did this?" Keith asked, his fingers tightening.

"I'll be with you," Shiro assured him. "If they want you to spend a few days in the psych ward, I won't let them take you unless you agree to it. Okay? I won't let them involuntarily commit you."

Keith nodded, feeling something loosen inside him. He didn't want to go the psych ward. Something told him his time in the Garrison would be cut short if he did that. They would see him as unfit to continue his pilot training and find a way to kick him out.

He'd wear his jacket. The dumb red thing. They wouldn't see the bandages then.

  


* * *

  


When they went into space, Keith had a nice little device lodge in his uterus that had been there since he was 17 thank you very much and for some reason… it actually did help his mood. If he didn't take the pill at the exact same time every day, his mood crashed hard when he was having That Time. And that was down to the minute. Shiro had… saved him again before he went on the Kerberos mission because of that. Keith had immediately asked about options where he didn't have to take a pill, and soon convinced them to insert an IUD.

Thank God Shiro had been there, taking time before he left to advocate for him. They didn't want to put it in him since he was so young and hadn't had a kid yet. But now he didn't have to take a pill every day and he was doing much better than before.

What was actually _wrong_ with him, though? He had never actually had a period, and he still had the facial hair. And then if he was off birth control he had cycles of depression and arousal… what was that? _Why_ was that?

Keith shivered, looking at his hands, his bed too soft under him.

What was wrong with him?

Maybe he needed a medical scan.

Tomorrow.

Slowly, Keith closed his eyes.

Tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

Did food goo go bad?

Keith rubbed his stomach as he stared up at his ceiling, groaning. Lunch hadn't tasted off. But now his entire lower torso was cramping up. Ugh. It hurt so much he felt almost nauseous. Keith rolled over, trying to ignore how much it hurt. Hopefully, whatever was making his guts cramp and twist would make its way through his bowels quickly enough and he'd be fine.

Unless it was the anxiety he felt over Shiro.

How long had it been? How long had he been going out in the wreckage of their fight with Zarkon, hoping to find any hint of Shiro? There was nothing. Not even a body. Keith looked at his hand, his stomach twisting painfully. How many times was he going to lose Shiro?

Maybe he should get himself looked at. He never did go get his scan. That should be done. He should know what was actually going on with his body. Now that he knew he was part Galra, it would be a good idea to see how healthy he was in comparison to other Galra. Or what his Galra genes were doing to his health. All the Galra he had seen had been towering monsters, but he was the second shortest on the team (barely. He was barely shorter than Lance, he reminded himself). Had he been not getting enough of some sort of vitamin or he needed to eat something specific to the Galra that could only be found out in space? He really needed to get that scan and talk to the Blade of Marmora. They had doctors, right? They had to. Ulaz had been one.

Keith closed his eyes. Ulaz. Thace. How many people were going to die for this war? Was Shiro another casualty of it? How many of the Paladins were also going to be casualties of war? Was he going to turn around and suddenly, boom, Hunk was gone? Their ray of sunshine, their mechanics genius, their cook, just _gone_? Pidge? The slyness, the coding, just gone? Lance? Yeah, he was irritating, but he also felt like the brother he never had. And Keith had to admit Lance was one hell of a shot. And if he was just suddenly not there?

How many of them laid up at night, thinking just this? How many of them thought if Keith suddenly wasn't there…

Would it matter?

Well, it would, in the way they couldn't form Voltron. They couldn't form Voltron without Shiro flying the Black Lion, after all. But without Keith's presence, would they even notice any difference in the Castle itself? What did he bring? Anger? Fights with Lance?

His gut twisted, and Keith curled up slightly, something horrible blooming between his shoulder blades and down his spine. Something that made him feel vulnerable. Something he hadn't felt since before Shiro left, when he had the IUD inserted. He remembered the feeling well - the cycles of depression had started this way. But he couldn't have started another cycle. The hormones stopped those. He hadn't had a cycle in two years, and the damned thing was supposed to be good for five years. He couldn't be having another cycle.

It would pass. He was just upset about all the death in such a short amount of time. It would pass, and he would be back in action. Everything would be okay.

Tomorrow, he'd get that scan.

  


* * *

  


"As far as I can tell, you are completely healthy." The Galra doctor packed up her device, and Keith shivered, still sitting on the bench. It hadn't looked very intimidating when she pulled it out. In fact, it had looked just like a wand. But the way it made his bones resonate… "I would say some of your hormone levels are a little strange for a Galra, but the readout says they're good for another organ in your throat, so I'm not worried about them. Though… I am a little curious. Have you ever had a heat?"

Keith blinked. The only thing that came to mind were how female cats were screeching for mates outside his window as a kid. "I… no?" He had gotten horny as fuck during his depressive cycles, but nothing like that. It had just made him more depressed, and less likely to want to fuck. But nothing like what he imagined a heat would be like.

"Hm. You display all the signs of a male omega," the doctor explained. "Though, strangely, with quite a bit of female hormones. I only wondered if you had ever entered a heat or if your human blood stopped that from happening."

Keith resisted the urge to squirm. "I do have an IUD - intrauterine device. It releases hormones into my body."

"My scans found that device. That would perhaps explain it." The doctor looked back at her data slate, frowning. "I would recommend removing it as soon as possible. Prolonged exposure may cause your body to rebound if it is interfering with your heats, causing complications both physically and mentally. It's best to let your body naturally process your heats. Galra heats are usually fairly mild in comparison to other races, and while you may be easily aroused, you will still be in full control of your faculties if you allow your heats to proceed naturally." Here, the doctor smiled, her eyes crinkling. "I would say during your heats to set aside a few hours just for releasing that tension if you don't have a mate."

Keith felt everything from neck up burn red.

"Would there be any complications in removing the device?"

"Um… not in just removing it. I mean… it's just like-" Keith coughed. "Dilating my cervix a bit and pulling it out, I guess? That's how they put it in, anyway." And he had major depressive disorder. Maybe bipolar II. The doctors could never agree on that. But… which did he want to do? Keep it in and save his mental health, or take it out and save his body?

Maybe- "I um… also have depression." Keith felt his gut cramp at the words. "The IUD's hormones pretty much stopped that, so… are there like Galra medicines that help with depression or-"

The doctor tilted her head. "I'm not sure what you're talking about."

Damn it. Was depression not a thing? Did the Galra brain not do that? "Nevermind."

"Once the hormones are cycled out of your body, come back for another scan," the doctor instructed him. "I'm curious about this 'depression' thing you speak of. I want to know more about it, and what your body is doing during it. Until then, get the device removed."

Keith nodded.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad this time. Maybe his brain had enough hormones battered at it this time that it would naturally produce the good stuff so he would be okay. He'd be a healthy part human, part Galra. He had to hope that, anyway. He didn't want to ruin his body by saving his mind. He was trying to stay alive. If the IUD was going to kill him in another way, then he would have to find an alternative to it for his depression.

The doctor turned as another Blade of Marmora member entered. "We need you. Some of our members ran into Lotor's generals."

She swore under her breath. "I'll be right there."

When she left, Keith just sat on the bench, her words echoing in his head. He should have asked her more about the whole omega thing. What it actually was. What a heat was. How he'd know he was in heat. Why he never had a period. What she meant by a _male_ omega. Was he actually male and not trans? Or were his human genes female and- He didn't understand a single thing and he wished he had actually asked questions.

And now she was gone with only the instructions to remove his IUD and possibly deal with another depressive cycle so he wasn't ruining his body by possibly suppressing any heats he might be having.

Keith ran a hand through his hair.

So many questions he should have asked.

He was an idiot for not asking them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're not sure which side to take, Keith's because there is no physical state if the mental state is so bad it drives you to suicide, or the doctor's because if the medicine used to save the mental state ruins your physical state (and we don't know if long term use would kill Keith anyway) would be worth it, then I did it right. There is no easy answer. It's up to Keith to decide to save his mental state, or his physical state. Which to gamble on. Will he gamble on keeping a steady mental state and hope his body doesn't shut down on him because of the hormones? Or will he gamble on trying to be physically healthy and hoping his mind won't kill him? It's up to Keith.
> 
> I, personally, say fuck the physical body, I want to mentally sound, and I have the extreme extra weight from my meds to prove it. But I am not Keith.


	3. Chapter 3

Well, a month into no IUD and he was doing fine. Maybe the cycle of constant hormones had fixed his brain. Keith stretched as he walked down the halls from the training room, arm cross his body as he stretched out the satisfying session. That would be nice if that was the case. He could live this way. The doctor had seemed like she had been busy since he had last seen her, though… hopefully she was still alive. Blade of Marmora members seemed to die at an alarmingly fast rate.

Even if she was still alive, Voltron had been busy. They had met Lotor and… Keith heard himself growl, a little surprised at the feral noise coming from his own throat. Okay then. He hadn't expected that. Then again, slowly, his behavior had been changing. More protective of his team, particularly of Allura. But she was the new Paladin of the group and he was the temporary leader. He wanted her to do well. And the way he had gone after Lotor, Lance's voice, the instinct inside of him saying his brother's voice, his equal's voice telling him to stop, to think of his people, his pack…

If this wasn't thinking more Galra, he didn't know what was. Was this because the hormones from the IUD had been flushed out and it was letting his Galra brain take over? That didn't make him feel good. Being raised human and now the disconnect he started to feel from that heritage because his Galra genes were starting to make themselves known… Keith ran a hand through his hair. It was scary.

Then again, it was a part of him. He had been disconnected from his Galra blood for so long it was probably time he got to know it. Maybe it was a good thing.

Keith lifted his arms, stretching them over his head and ignored the stench coming from his body as he did so. He already knew he needed a shower. No need to focus on it.

He was so aware of his body when he entered his shower, though, stripping off his clothes. Coran had done a scan and Pidge and Hunk had interpreted it for him and yeah, for some reason he was biologically female, for a human. But biologically male, in that weird Galra, omega thing. Two sexes? He had no idea how that worked. It just brought him some joy that he was biologically male in some way. But right now, he was so aware of how his shirt moved over his skin even as he stripped it off as fast as he could, how his boots felt as he yanked them off, his pants-

Keith shuddered, only in his underwear. Slowly, he cupped his mound, feeling the wetness between his legs.

Okay. So he was horny. Could this be his first heat? Then again, he had been turned on in the past and it turned out to be nothing important. Keith slid his middle finger over the slick spot on his underwear, his breath shuddering before he stripped his underwear off. He wanted to toy with himself, fingers slick with his own juices as he brought himself over the edge, kneeling on the shower floor, gasping with pleasure-

Masturbating had always been a tricky business for him. His front end has been, frankly dysphoric for a long time, and no amount of calling it just a "hole" and calling his clit a "dick" made that any easier for his brain. He knew it helped a lot of trans men, but for him, he couldn't grasp it. And when he didn't have an IUD, that had just made him feel worse. It helped so many others in his situation have sex and come to grips with their equipment. Why not him? Why was he so defective?

What he had to do instead was not think about it at all. Not think about what he was touching. It wasn't a clit, or a dick, or anything at all. It was flesh that felt good. Same when he thrust fingers inside him. It just felt good. No gender words attached to it. It just felt good to have fingers inside him as he kneeled on the shower floor, cheek against the tile as his fingers moved quickly in and out of him. Keith gasped, feeling his body flutter around his fingers as pleasure rippled through his body, promises of something greater.

The shower turned on suddenly, sensor aware of someone inside of it, and the sudden warm water only added to it, hyperaware of every droplet against his skin. Fuck, this wasn't _enough_. He needed a cock inside him. Bigger than his own fingers, spearing him open, fingers hard against his hips as he was fucked so hard he could _taste_ it-

Keith gasped as his body tensed, climaxing hard at the thoughts. He closed his eyes, breathing hard as he felt himself rocking back against his fingers, still spasming in orgasm.

Well. That probably answered the question of if he was in heat.

Bile rose as he pulled his fingers out, the slick washing off immediately in the running water. Slowly, he rolled over to sit down, staring at his hands. He was in heat. He wanted to be fucked, and probably knocked up if heat was anything like how heats worked for animals. Keith felt himself start to gag at that thought, not able to stop the sudden rush of nauseating anxiety at the body dysphoria at having to do that.

Not just that, but his options of getting fucked were… Hunk. Lance. Coran. He doubted sex toys would help, so that left out Allura and Pidge. Keith shuddered at his choices. Hunk was really his best choice, but even then he wasn't _attracted_ to Hunk. He just liked him, both personally and as a Paladin of Voltron. Not only that, but he was their leader now! Going up to any of them and saying he was in heat could he get a good fuck would just… if he slept with any of them, he'd rather it be because they were already in a romantic relationship where they were treating each other as equals. Asking to be fucked like that just felt… wrong. Impersonal. And almost an abuse of power.

Didn't the doctor say he didn't actually need another person? That his own fingers would be okay? He could do this until his heat passed and he'd be okay. He didn't actually need the others to get through this… right?

They wouldn't want him anyway.

Keith pulled his knees up to his chest.

They wouldn't want a defective omega like him anyway.


	4. Chapter 4

Keith's entire lower abdomen hurt and he still had his cheek pressed against his pillow, fingers inside him, chasing climax. He supposed it had been a good thing no one checked up on him because he knew he wouldn't stop if anyone came to the door. Not unless that person would replace his fingers with a cock and even then, the resulting orgasm would still hurt since he hadn't stopped fucking himself since he fell into bed last night and he knew it was dinner time now but he couldn't _stop_.

It hurt so much and he couldn't _stop_.

He wanted it to _stop_. He wanted this feeling of wanting to be fucked to just go away. This feeling of being hyperaware of every part of himself. If he had to go through this again, he would shove his blade through his throat first because this was the worst fucking thing ever. Keith sobbed as his body fell over the edge, the pleasure edged with pain. And yet, he couldn't stop, his fingers still inside him-

Coran's voice suddenly hit his ears. He couldn't make out what he said, but it hit a sudden burst of adrenaline that broke the spell. A hiss escaped from between his teeth as he pulled his fingers out, but he went to the bathroom and washed his hands, grabbing a washcloth and cleaning up between his legs the best he could, ignoring how even that tried to entice him to return to his former activities. Instead, Keith pulled on his clothes and started down to the bridge, trying to ignore the fact he probably smelled pretty rank. He hadn't showered at all and on top of that, all that sweat from forcing orgasm after orgasm out of his body…

Lance was going to tease him. He knew it.

When he got there, he made sure to stand a little away from everyone else. Maybe that would make sure no one could smell him. Keith crossed his arms, trying to ignore his body. "What's up?"

Keith couldn't deny a part of him felt guilty as Shiro turned to him. They had found him floating, nearly dead, in a Galra spacecraft. After the battle with Zarkon, Shiro had been captured by the Galra, yet again. And Keith had spent so much time searching for him in the wrong spot, thinking he was in the wreckage when he was back in the arms in the enemy, enduring God knows what. "We think we might be able to track where Lotor's going to be next," Shiro told him, making Keith's heart pound. Lotor. They could strike back at Lotor. "Ships like his are going to stand out. They're not standard Galra ships. If we track his ships, we can find Lotor."

The words pounded through Keith's ears, echoing in his blood, pulling up the thrill of the chase. Lotor. They could follow him. Stop him. _Kill him._ He could see the others excited, but he could see them just think _stop Lotor._ He wanted to see his dead and broken body before him, for everything he had done, for the sins of his father, for-

Keith swallowed. Lotor didn't deserve to die for what Zarkon did. Sure, Lotor had made a fool out of Keith when they first fought, but… he wasn't Zarkon. He hadn't done what Zarkon had done. If he deserved to die, it was for his own actions, not Zarkon's.

What was _wrong_ with him? Was this part of being an omega? Or was this his sexual frustration of not being able to properly fuck being taken out by wanting to kill something? Or… Keith felt something curl up inside of him, a ball he wished he didn't feel anymore. It could be like it had been before he had tried birth control. People had said irritability had been one of the symptoms of depression, and he had taken it to another level before crashing into that pit.

He needed to go back on birth control. Now.

He waited until the other Paladins had left until he went up to Coran, vulnerability tensing his shoulders. "Hey, Coran," he said, forcing his arms to his side. Don't close off. Be open.

"What is it, number two?" Coran's voice made Keith want to hunker down. That super helpful, super chipper voice… he didn't deserve it. He didn't want it. He-

That was the fucking depression talking and fuck that. Keith tilted his head up slightly, shaking it off. "Do you remember that thing I asked you to take out of me?"

"Ah yes." Coran nodded, crossing his arms as he nodded to himself. "Pretty clever of a device! What of it?"

"I uh. Need you to put it back in."

"Well, that will be a problem." Coran looked a bit sheepish here. "You see, I figured you would not need it anymore and put it in with the rest of the medical trash. And I would not go searching for it there!" He shivered. "Who knows what's in there."

Keith felt his heart sink. "Did you… at least scan what was in it? The hormones it was releasing?"

"I'm afraid not." Coran looked at him curiously. "What did you need from it?"

The need paralyzed his vocal cords, something inside him saying Coran wouldn't be able to help him. He had thrown away the IUD without a thought. He didn't care about Keith. Not really. He knew that was the depression talking, but it felt so real, so right that he couldn't get the words out. "Nothing," he finally said. "Thanks anyway." Without waiting, Keith turned and walked away, feeling something shake inside him.

He didn't have the IUD to fall back on. He didn't have his hormones to fall back on.

Was his depression tied to his heat? Once he was out of his heat, would he be okay? In a steady state? Maybe he should have let Coran scan his brain so he knew what was going on right now and compare it to when he was out of heat so they knew what his brain looked like when healthy and they could maybe know how to make it healthy when he was in heat.

Except he was so fucking stupid, Keith thought to himself as he reached his room. He was a fucking idiot who couldn't think of things like that until it was too late. He hyperfocused on one thing, like his heat. Like the IUD. And he didn't think to ask for anything else until after the fact. And now he couldn't go back to talk to Coran without Coran knowing how much of a fuckup he was and how much he wasn't fit to be a Paladin, how much he couldn't-

Keith balled up his fists, slamming them against his forehead as he entered his room, the door sliding shut behind him with a smooth whoosh of air. That wasn't him. He wasn't stupid.

Except he was. He had put himself on hormones that fucked up his body and now that he was back in his room, all he could think about was to fuck himself silly on his fingers. To do nothing but fall back into that painful pleasure and he couldn't do that because he was a Paladin of Voltron and he had obligations and if he hadn't fucked up by putting off his heat for so long he wouldn't be like this he wouldn't be so _desperate_ -

A sob rose to his throat, ruthlessly forced down before it escaped his mouth. He couldn't let the others know how stupid he was.

And if this was tied to his heat, he would feel better once he was done. He'd still be a fucking moron, but he'd be functional. He'd be okay.

He just wanted to be okay.


	5. Chapter 5

Matt's voice echoed in the small spacecraft, echoed in Keith's head as he told Shiro just what Keith had tried to do. Instead of trying to defend himself or just plain admitting to it, Keith just stared at the wreckage left behind, his arms trembling as his throat closed up.

_"I don't want to have to bury you, Keith."_

Fingers wrapped around Keith's mouth as he stared at the wreckage, his eyes wide. It wouldn't have worked. He knew that. But he had convinced himself that crashing a ship into that shield would have forced it to fall and instead it would have just-

"Keith." He could hear Shiro's voice, calm, easy… but it wasn't that easy. He had almost smeared himself across the shield. He had almost killed himself. _Again._ It kept happening. He kept trying to end his own life.

"I'm here," he finally said, surprised his voice could be so steady as he lowered his hands from his mouth, looking at Shiro's projection in front of him.

"We're going to meet with Lotor. Voltron, the Blade of Marmora, and the Coalition."

Keith swallowed, feeling his world under him tremble, split between the fact he was a Paladin of Voltron, but his loyalty to the Blade of Marmora, the suit he was currently wearing was not Paladin armor but Blade of Marmora- "Okay," he said, forcing himself not to whisper. He'd figure it out. He'd-

Oh God he had almost killed himself again.

And it was Lotor that had saved his life.

"Keith." Shiro's voice filtered through his ears again, gentle. "Come on back. I'll be the only one waiting."

"I can't," Keith finally said, unable to speak above a whisper.

"I won't let anyone do anything to you. It's like before. You're not going anywhere unless you agree to it. Come on back, Keith."

"You don't get it." Keith curled up, shaking. "I _can't_. I can't move."

There was silence for a bit, then- "I'll be out there in Black," Shiro told him, his face stern on the projection. "I'll stay in radio contact. You're going to be okay, Keith."

Keith nodded, trying to keep the motion steady.

"Talk to me. What's in your ship?"

"Um…" Keith shook his head, trying to focus. "I- Me?" He heard Shiro chuckle at that. "And um- a chair. I'm sitting in a chair. There's a display in front of me with your face." He looked to his sides. "Um- Control sticks. There's two control sticks so I can fly this thing. It flies like a potato, by the way."

That made Shiro outright laugh. "Potato?"

"Very clunky." But Keith smiled a little at that. He looked up, feeling something relax inside him. "I can see the Black Lion. You're really far away, but I can see you."

"I can't see you," Shiro said. "You and your Galra eyes."

Keith fell silent at that. Galra eyes. Another step away from the human he had been raised, the human-

"Come on, Keith. Talk."

"I see wreckage from where Lotor blasted the ship."

"Stay inside your own ship," Shiro instructed him. "Don't look at that. What do you see inside? What colors do you see?"

"Red." Keith swallowed. "It's really- really-" He swallowed again, something wild in his throat.

"I can see you now. Keep talking."

"My suit feels tight," Keith whispered. "I can feel- everything. Oh God, Shiro, I-"

"I'm here. Don't worry. I'm coming over now to help you get into Black."

The world sort of… melted when Shiro entered his ship. He knew Shiro helped him get his hood back up and mask on, helped him to Black… but he couldn't say when he got back to the Castle. He knew he made it back to his room, cleaned up- but there were so many time skips in his memory he couldn't tell anyone how it happened.

When Shiro finally entered his room again, Keith was sitting on his bed, staring at nothing, his mind empty. "Hey," Shiro said, sitting next to him.

"What's wrong with me, Shiro?" Keith asked, quietly. "I knew that wasn't going to work and I was going to try it anyway. I wouldn't have done that if I still had my IUD. Why am I only okay when I'm on birth control? What's _wrong_ with me?"

"I didn't know you had taken out your IUD." Shiro looked at him in surprise. "What brought on that decision?"

Keith's hands clenched. It was such a stupid decision. "I let a Blade of Marmora doctor take a look at me. She said I'm a male omega and the hormones from the IUD were interfering with my heats, so I should take it out."

That made Shiro blink. "I see."

"I thought maybe my brain had reset and I would be okay." Keith curled up a little, feeling his arms shake. "Everything feels so much worse now. I was in heat and I had been so horny that when you weren't seeing me, I was fucking myself to the point of pain." A choked laugh escaped his throat. "I- I almost wish I had smashed my ship into that shield because if I have to go through that again I-"

"Keith." Shiro shook his head. "We have a lot more options than before. We have Altean drugs we can try, and we don't even have to test them directly on you first. Coran can do a scan and do it virtually. And if there aren't any Altean drugs, we can try to make one that will work. It's going to be okay, Keith." He smiled at him. "We're here for you."

"That doesn't change what happened to me during my heat," Keith told him. "I hurt myself doing that, Shiro. And that wasn't on purpose. It's going to happen again. I can't use hormones to stop my heats anymore, Shiro. It damages my body."

"We'll figure something out. I promise." Shiro reached out, patting his knee. "Get some rest. I'll talk to Coran and Allura about some things we can try."

Keith nodded a little to himself, then he looked over at Shiro, suddenly realizing- "You're still in your Paladin armor."

"Huh? Oh. Yeah. We're going to meet up with everyone to discuss Lotor. I'll fill you in later. For right now, just rest."

Keith shook his head. "I'm still a part of this. I need to-"

"Rest." Shiro frowned at him. "You're needed, yes, but you need rest more. I'm not going to force you to be there when you need rest. Now lay down."

Keith scowled, but laid down. He felt Shiro stroke his hair, and a sob filled his chest as he felt Shiro's realization that he almost lost Keith. As he felt his own realization that he almost left everyone, just like his own fear that they would leave him.

When Shiro left, he couldn't sleep. He just laid there, staring at the wall across from him, wondering. Was Hunk yelling about how they couldn't trust Keith anymore? He was a great judge of character. People should listen to him if he was saying that, Keith thought dully. Maybe Lance was saying he had always been right, that Keith was no good, he should have never been a Paladin. Lance was right. Allura's face, the disappointment, the remembered hatred of him being Galra and she couldn't trust Galra, she couldn't trust _Keith_ -

He curled up on the bed, gripping his hair.

What was _wrong_ with him?! Why was he so wrong?! Why couldn't he be a good Red Paladin? Or even a good Black Paladin? Why did he have to give that up to Lance, to Shiro? Why did he have to join the Blade of Marmora to feel like he was doing anything? Why did he feel like he had to _die_ to feel like he had made any impact on this war at all?!

Keith tried not to make any noise, but a soft high pitched sound escaped as he pulled his hair.

Why did he have to have heats that _hurt_ him?

Why did he have to be _Galra_?

Keith stood suddenly, throwing everything on his bed against the far wall, snarling.

Nothing felt good. Nothing felt right.

Slowly, Keith slid to the ground by his bed, gripping his hair.

Then he stood, leaving his room. He needed to go. He needed to leave. Get out of his room. Get out of his head. Get-

Something hit his nose. Something… strong. It tugged at him, pulling him down the halls. Closer to sound, closer to people, closer to-

Lotor turned as Keith entered, his nose flaring as his eyes opened in surprise, the scent almost rolling off of him in waves.


	6. Chapter 6

Lotor's movement turned everyone's attention on Keith. Shiro started to take a step towards him, face full of worry, when Lance strode forward, every motion boisterous and annoying. "Keith, be the tiebreaker," he said, grabbing Keith's arm and pulling him closer to the rest of the Paladins. Keith startled at the touch, a growl building in his throat before he looked at Lance, seeing that he wasn't teasing him, but had something more gentle in his face. More… worried. "We're trying to figure out what to do with Lotor. We have two votes to ship his ass off, two votes to keep him here under watch, and Pidge abstained."

"If we are to put him elsewhere, we run the risk of him passing information to a spy," Allura said, crossing her arms. "The Castle can be programmed not to allow any transmissions to be sent by unauthorized parties."

"Not to mention it's probably safer for Lotor," Shiro followed up, still eyeing Keith with worry. "Zarkon hasn't lifted the price on his head, and he could be killed almost as soon as he's left alone."

"Not our problem," Hunk said, holding up a finger. "Do you know what he's put us through, Shiro?" He shook his head. "I vote he goes. He's just going to make more trouble here."

"I agree with Hunk." Lance's hand tightened on Keith's arm. "Besides, Keith's gonna back us up anyway. Like, you didn't see how pissed off Keith could get chasing Lotor. I know I don't want to see what it's like when Lotor's going to be here in the Castleship full time."

Keith opened his mouth, then closed it, staring at Lotor with wide eyes. The _fuck_ was going on?! Why was he the tiebreaker? Why did Pidge abstain? Keith turned to her, blinking. "Pidge?" he managed, something tightening in his throat.

"I can see both sides of their argument," she said calmly. "And honestly, both are sound arguments. This is up to you, Keith."

He was going to make the wrong decision. He wasn't _good_ enough to make the right decision. Not smart enough. Not-

Lotor growled, rushing forward. Lance yanked Keith behind him, Bayard to his shoulder as he did so, staring down the sights at Lotor. "And this is why your ass should be gone."

"And you are completely ignoring a distressed omega in heat," Lotor snapped at him. "Do what you will with me, but your team's omega should have his needs met, and you are completely ignoring him."

Everyone froze, then slowly turned to Keith. Everyone was looking at him. Keith balled up his fists, gritting his teeth. Now they knew how much of a fuckup he was. Great job. Of course Lotor would be the one to let everyone know. Of course-

"Now get out of my way, Paladin. Unless you are also an alpha and I am unable to detect it?"

"Not letting you touch a single hair on Keith," Lance said, his voice as steady as his Bayard.

Lotor turned as Shiro's hand started to glow. "You are all neglecting him," he informed them, taking several steps away. "In heat, he will require comfort, and I cannot detect any other alphas to give him that comfort."

"And what, are you going to give it to me through your dick?" Keith asked, sarcastic. "Kind of past that. I'm not in heat. I don't want to fuck."

The way Lotor looked visibly taken aback almost made Keith laugh. Almost. "Your pheromones-"

The words to tell them to dump Lotor ran to his tongue and jumped, eager to be released. All he had to do was open his mouth. Get rid of Lotor. Dump his ass on the side of the road.

Instead, Keith stalked up to Lotor and punched him, throwing all the hatred he felt for himself and his stupid body and stupid brain and stupid suicide attempt into Lotor's face.

He knew Lotor could catch the punch. He knew Lotor could probably do whatever he wanted. Catch it, pull him in closer, do whatever he wanted to Keith. Instead, he took the punch, his head barely moving to one side with the blow. "Do you feel better now?" he asked, something smug in his voice.

"Fuck you," Keith spat at him, turning to leave.

Words pounded in his head as he did so. He didn't tell them to dump Lotor. So that meant Allura and Shiro would win out. Princess and leader. So Lotor would stay. He was so stupid. He should have _said something_ instead of punching Lotor. Why did he punch him? That was the worst idea he had and he had tried to kill himself three times already. Now Lotor was going to stay and he was going to do that alpha bullshit towards him.

He had wanted his brain to stop so badly he had tried to kill himself before. Would it be so bad to let Lotor help him? Lotor seemed to know what was going on.

Keith shook his head as he stopped in the middle of the hall, gripping his hair. It would be terrible. Lotor wasn't a good guy. He was just helping them because his father was an asshole. He couldn't forget what Lotor had done. Everything about what Lotor had said had been so tempting. The idea of having relief from this - but it was _Lotor_ and he couldn't forget that. He couldn't forget that Lotor wasn't _good_.

When the soft sob escaped his throat, he felt even worse. He couldn't stop it. He had stopped it for so long, kept people from seeing it for so long because he knew they wouldn't care, wouldn't- wouldn't want to care so why show it and now he was letting it out-

A gentle hand touched his arm, and Keith tensed, slowly looking over to see Allura. She lowered her hand, an understanding look on her face. No words, just the look.

"I-" Words couldn't escape his throat. "I-"

"Why did you not let us know you were in heat, Keith? It isn't shameful for a Galra omega to be in heat."

Keith swallowed. "I-" He couldn't talk. Why couldn't he talk? Why was he so stupid that he couldn't talk?!

Allura just shook her head. "When you enter your next heat, do not hesitate to let us know. Do you require any painkillers or physical remedies? A Galra omega I met as a child rather enjoyed hot water bottles during her heats."

Humiliation burned his cheeks. "No. I'm fine."

"If you need anything, only ask. And if you have any questions, either Coran or I will answer them." She smiled a little at him, the curve of her lips sad. "I did not know you were suffering through your heat alone, Keith. I apologize."

Keith stayed quiet until Allura left. The way the doctor had talked sounded like Galra heats were just things… they worked through. That it really was just like a period for a human. Yeah, it sucked, but… it wasn't anything bad. And now everyone wanted to dote on him, protect him, baby him-

He should have just done it the first time, before Shiro found him in the bathroom at the Garrison.

Because this was pathetic.

He was being treated like a child. He was a Paladin of Voltron, a Blade of Marmora, and-

He just wanted this to be over… a part of him knew these thoughts wouldn't last forever, that it was a cycle, that he would be steady again but they were so strong…

Endure.

Keith swallowed.

Endure it.


	7. Chapter 7

At least the next day, Keith didn't feel something horrible tighten his throat. Yeah, Lotor had to stick around the Castle until they actually could _find_ the place to dump his ass, but at least Keith felt better. And he didn't feel like smacking Lotor again.

He was feeling better. Oh God, he was feeling better. Keith stared at himself in the mirror, running his fingers over the stubble on his chin. He had to be coming out of his heat. The shakiness in his arms had lessened. That, or the idea of having someone to take all that out on steadied him. Having Lotor around until they could dump him made him feel better because Lotor was an _asshole._

Keith grabbed the razor and soap, lathering up and starting to shave. The way Lotor treated him… he wasn't some princess that needed _saving_. Yeah, he felt bad, but that kind of thing came in cycles. And Shiro knew that his IUD was out now, and they all knew he had been in heat, so they could do all kinds of tests on him. Figure out what his brain was doing and how to make sure he could stay in that steady state.

Fire ran through his veins, pausing his hand as he remembered Lotor striding towards him as if it was his _mission_ to save the poor omega from himself. What the fuck. He had been just fine alone. If he had to put up with Lotor trying to do that again for whatever stupid reason ran through Lotor's head - if because Lotor was a prince or whatever reason - Keith would-

Stinging pain raced along his jaw, forcing Keith to lower his hand. He examined his jaw, grumbling. Somehow, he had cut himself without realizing it. And it wasn't an insignificant cut. Keith quickly finished shaving and went back to the cut on his jaw, watching the wound bleed freely.

Bleed…

He needed to put pressure on that.

Keith grabbed a towel, pressing it to his jaw. Maybe it was worse than he thought. He should have lowered his hand when he started thinking about how much he hated Lotor. And fuck, now that cut was hurting. He checked the towel, surprised at the amount of blood that had soaked into the fabric.

Okay.

Worse than he thought.

Did this require a trip to the pods? Maybe not. He could just wait until it stopped bleeding and throw a bandage on it. It couldn't be _that_ bad. Keith checked his chin again, swallowing at the red stain on his skin and the renewed line of blood.

… maybe it was that bad.

Okay then. Keith kept the towel shoved up against his jaw as he started out of his room, ignoring the fact he only had his pants on. He didn't really want to get blood on his shirt. Geez, his face was bleeding a lot. Head wounds bled a lot, right? That was normal, right?

Keith checked the towel again as he entered the med bay, pressing a fresh side against the cut and checking the stain. It didn't seem as bad… maybe it was slowing down? He took a deep breath, heading for a cryopod.

And a hand grabbed his arm, yanking him back. Keith growled as he was turned around, seeing Lotor looking down at him with narrowed eyes, nostrils flaring. "I thought I smelled blood," he said, his voice almost cold. "Why do they abandon you so? You should have been taken care of already."

Keith knocked his hand away, fresh anger flaring. "Because I'm not being abandoned. I cut myself shaving. I'm taking care of it myself because I didn't tell them I cut myself shaving."

"They should have smelled-"

"Humans don't smell shit, Lotor!" Keith glared up at him. "They don't smell blood unless there's a lot of it and they're right on top of it. Or it's their own! They don't know because I didn't tell them. And they don't need to know because it's an accident and I can take care of my own fucking self. I don't need you."

Lotor frowned at that. "How distressed you smelled earlier refutes your claims. I have never met an omega in so much distress. You-"

"I don't need you babying me, Lotor!" Keith stepped backwards, his hand shaking against his jaw. "I don't need shit. I'm just- it's just a heat. I'll get over it and move on. I don't need-"

"Did you not have a Galra parent to explain things to you?" Lotor asked, confusion in his voice. "My father explained the entire spectrum to me, as so I can fully understand myself as an alpha as well assist betas and omegas in their times of need. I cannot image your Galra parent not explaining things-"

"Shut up." Keith looked away. He didn't want to hear anymore. He knew his mother had left him. Lotor didn't need to remind him of everything his mother should have told him. Everything she should have taught him.

Lotor fell quiet. "You smell distressed again," he finally said, and reached out to him again.

Keith snarled.

"If you would accept this, you would feel better and calmer," Lotor told him, his patience visibly fraying. "And as an alpha I cannot stand by and see-"

"Well, as an alpha, you're going to have to learn how to stand by and see," Keith shot back. "At least until you're dumped off of here."

"I will not be leaving," Lotor announced.

Something horrible fractured inside Keith. Lotor was staying. They had lied to him. Lotor wasn't leaving at all. He was staying around and he was staying there and looking at him and-

Keith didn't know when he had pulled his Blade of Marmora dagger, but Lotor had both hands up, eyes wide as Keith looked at him down the dagger point. The towel had been dropped as Keith shifted his weight, watching Lotor.

He was staying.

Blood ran down his neck, lines to his chest.

If he killed himself, Lotor couldn't do anything to him. He couldn't fuck him when he was in heat and couldn't say no.

Keith flipped the dagger in his hand and drove the point inward towards his chest.

The dagger flew across the room before it did more than touch his skin, ripped out of his grasp by Lotor's hands. Lotor held his wrists together as Keith stood there, trembling at what just happened.

At how close Lotor was.

At how comforting it was to have Lotor close.

And at how much he fucking hated that Lotor stopped him.

"I thought it was over," Keith whispered. "I've had cycles of being depressed and suicidal before. I thought it was over. I thought I was through the cycle and I was back to being steady."

"You still smell like you're in heat," Lotor told him, his voice hushed as he held Keith's wrists.

And Keith couldn't tell, but it almost felt like Lotor's hands were shaking.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost feel like I have to say this since Lotor's actions have been romanticized in other forms of media, but... if you are disgusted by him and you don't think it's cute or romantic at all, that is good. His savior complex isn't cute. It isn't romantic. Keith's journey to learn how to manage his heats and depression is only half this story. The other half is Lotor learning to drop the savior complex and treat Keith, and by extension other omegas, as equals.

"I… do not understand it," Lotor said, baffled as Keith tried, yet again, to pull his arms free. "I have always been told the scent of an alpha soothes an omega. Any omega in my presence has bowed to me."

"Ever thought that it's because you're Zarkon's son?" Keith spat at him, glaring.

Lotor's brows furrowed. "But… I have helped them. I should have the ability to help you. And even though my father has a price on my head, I am still royalty and it is still my duty to-"

Keith snarled at him. "Drop that bullshit. I don't need _saving_ , asshole." He yanked again, humiliated as his arms remained where they were. He didn't need this. Not after realizing the depression cycle he thought he was out of hadn't stopped. That he wasn't out of heat yet. "Let me go."

"You need-"

Keith shut his eyes tightly. Lotor wasn't listening. No one listened to him. Why would they? Why would Lotor even want to? He kept Keith from killing himself. He knew how messed up Keith was. Why would he listen to someone as fucked up as him?

But Lotor didn't say anything else, and slowly Keith opened his eyes, looking up at him. A thoughtful look had crossed Lotor's face, and it left behind a slightly distressed cast to his eyes. "I do think… it wouldn't do you any harm to be around an alpha," he finally said, his brow furrowed. "If anything, it's simple biology that an alpha's pheromones soothe an omega's heat."

Simple biology. The words made Keith growl, yanking again. Simple biology. Words he had heard why he couldn't be a man. It was simple biology. His genes said he was a woman. Except now he learned his genes also said he was male, so fuck biology. Fuck it all. _Fuck this._ He didn't need this.

Lotor looked even more confused at Keith's renewed attempts, then he growled, the sound rippling far more brutal through the air than Keith's vocalizations and bringing him to a halt as it resonated in his chest. "Your actions require someone to be with you at all times," he told him sternly. "It does not matter at this point if you are an omega." Frustration filled his face. "I do not understand this. How is it that you desire to take your own life?"

Keith sagged a little. He knew the Galra didn't have depression. He knew Lotor wouldn't understand.

"Answer me."

"It's part of a fucked up human brain," Keith told him quietly. "It doesn't do what it's supposed to do and it's worse than usual right now."

He could feel Lotor's hands shift, then stop as Lotor caught himself. Keith looked up at him, and blinked as he saw Lotor with his eyes closed, visibly composing himself. "And who knows this?" he finally asked, looking at Keith.

"Why?" he snapped.

Lotor snarled at him, and Keith's heart jumped at the noise, instinct telling him to become smaller. Less threatening. He made an _alpha_ angry. It bled into the tight feeling in his throat, the creeping reminder of how much he hated everything about himself, from the body he didn't want to the brain that wouldn't work right. And now to instincts that told him to be passive, to be _good_ …

Something in Lotor's grip changed, and soon Keith was pulled close. His nose flooded with Lotor's scent, something easing inside him, something finally getting what it always wanted, always needed, an alpha, his alpha, his-

Keith pushed Lotor away, shaking.

"I'm not some passive fucking omega that's just going to roll over and let you do whatever you want to me," he said, his throat starting to tighten. "I'm not going to bow to you. And I'm not going to do what you say."

He managed to get out of Lotor's reach before he could grab him, barely stopping himself from running down the halls. Lotor had his dagger- that was okay. He wasn't going back to get it. He had to get away from Lotor. Away from what felt good, what was trying to lure him into a false sense of security, of happiness, of telling him to be good and passive and- and not _Keith._ He had to get away from that.

The last few steps into Keith's run were a mad dash, seeking the haven away from Lotor. Then he looked down at his chest as his door shut, a hysterical laugh bubbling up. He had still been bleeding. His chest was covered in blood.

He needed to talk to Shiro.

Problem was, he would have to leave his room again to find Shiro. There was no way to contact the others from his room.

Keith gripped his hair, laughing to himself. Of course that would happen. Of course he would be bleeding all over himself, not wanting to leave his room again because someone other than Shiro would see him. Someone like Lotor might see him. Of course this would happen. Of course-

A knock on the door made his head snap up, hands softening their grip. "Yes?" he managed, his voice hoarse.

"Shiro told me to get you," Lance said. "Mind if I come in?" Keith had no time to tell him anything before Lance opened the door, obviously using an override code. "… Whoa. What happened to you?"

"I cut myself," Keith told him, lowering his hands. "Shaving."

Lance swallowed, coming over to him. "Yeah, I can see that. It looks bad, man. You need that looked at."

"And you can fuck off," Keith mumbled. He wasn't up for this again. Not Lance too. He was just… too tired now. He wanted to sleep. Forever.

"Oh boy." Lance let out a long breath, then went into Keith's bathroom, coming back with a wet washcloth. "Look, I'm just going to see how bad it is and if you need stitches or something. If you don't, I'm going to help you clean it up. I can get something so it heals really fast. Okay? That's all."

Keith closed his eyes, and nodded, miserable. Lance patted at the wound, making Keith hiss at the stinging sensation. "It's impressive how cuts hurt like a bitch, right?" Lance asked, the lightness in his voice audibly forced. "Okay, I don't think it needs stitches. Let me get the stuff so it doesn't get infected and it heals faster. You… want me to tell Shiro?"

After a moment, Keith nodded.

"I'll send Shiro back with the stuff."

It didn't take long. Keith had his gaze on his fingers when Shiro entered. "Who overrode my door?" he asked quietly.

"I asked Pidge to," Shiro told him. "After what happened, we all agreed it would be better to be able to get to you in case something went wrong with your heat."

"Without asking me."

Shiro sighed. "Keith. You've tried to kill yourself three times. At some point, we do have to take control of you without your permission to make sure you won't try again. We can't involuntarily commit you anywhere and I know that would just make your mental state worse even if we could, but we have to have a way of making sure you will be okay."

Keith looked away.

"Hey. Keith."

"Four times." Keith closed his eyes. "Lotor stopped me from stabbing myself in the chest."

Shiro didn't say anything.

Keith knew he didn't have to say anything.

He knew he was a fuckup.

Shiro said it as he cleaned Keith up and smeared some gel on the wound. As he took care of him.

He said it in the fact the entire team had an override to his door just in case they thought he was trying to kill himself again.

"Coran wants to scan you," Shiro told him gently. "He wants to see what your brain is doing right now, and what your hormone levels are like. That way, when you're out of heat, we can tell what the difference is and we can get you started on some medicine."

Keith just nodded, numb.


	9. Chapter 9

"Hmm." Coran twirled his mustache as he frowned at the readout. "I see, I see! Your body seems to be slowly coming out of heat."

Well, that was good news. Keith felt himself relax a little as Shiro placed his human hand between Keith's shoulder blades. 

"In fact, there seems to be a hormone released into your body that tends to speed up how long a heat runs for! Pidge helped me find more information about Galra heats and it's normal for them to last several movements without this hormone!" Keith swallowed hard at that information. Weeks. He couldn't go weeks in heat. "Good news, though. Something has triggered the release of this hormone, which means you should be out of heat in the next few quintants."

"What triggered it?" God bless Shiro. Keith couldn't think right now. All he could think about was having to deal with this for even a few more days.

"Well." Coran shuffled a bit. "I'm not sure you wish to hear it."

"Just tell me," Keith snapped.

Coran sighed. "This hormone is often triggered when an omega has found an alpha to feel safe around. Not that all alphas are safe to be around!" he added hastily, as if remembering Lotor's alpha status. "Not just any alpha can bring about that hormone in an omega. I would think something more changed in how you viewed Shiro or-"

Keith shook his head, feeling something terrible in his throat. "It's Lotor," he said, managing around the scream in his throat.

"Oh. Well." Coran blinked a few times, visibly unsure what to do with that knowledge. "Well, the good thing is you're not tied to a single alpha!"

"What can we do to mimic it in the future?" Thank God for Shiro. Keith lifted his chin.

"And would anti-depressants help with that?" he asked, feeling proud that his mind worked enough to follow up on that. He almost felt like he could be himself again now that he said that.

Coran closed his eyes as he considered the words, plucking at his mustache. "I'm not completely sure," he admitted. He crossed his arms, nodding to himself. "There is a possibility that any medication that alters your brain chemistry may make your heat worse."

Everything made his heats worse. Everything that would help him would hurt him. Everything-

"You mentioned a hormone released around an alpha," Shiro said, interrupting Keith's thoughts. "Could we artificially create that?"

"I'm afraid not." Coran's face was gently apologetic as he spoke these words. "Not with the resources we have. I'm not even completely sure we could synthesize your medication at this current moment. I hate to admit it, but we lost quite a bit of material during our rest. Even with the best storage system, many things still rotted and are unusable, and I fear we would need to wait until we could resupply before starting on manufacturing a medication for you."

Keith swallowed hard. "So what are my options?"

"A short term option would be to remain in Lotor's presence." Coran winced slightly as he spoke. "At least until your heat is over. The more you are in his presence and the more you release that hormone, the quicker this will be over."

Shiro looked at Keith, waiting for his answer. Keith nodded, turning to Coran. He knew what he would have to say.

"As long as it's short term," Keith told him, his voice stern.

"What do you suggest for treatment?" Shiro asked, asking again questions Keith wouldn't have thought of until he left.

"According to the information Pidge found, physical contact is the best. I hear humans release a hormone when they touch a… ocytoosin?"

"Oxytocin," Shiro corrected him. "Yeah." He looked over at Keith. "It probably doesn't help you're probably a little touch starved," he said gently.

Keith grumbled under his breath.

Coran nodded to himself. "It wouldn't hurt to see if touching Lotor would release this oxytocin as well. It might help your heat too. But on top of that, the physical contact puts you close enough so you can smell his pheromones, which releases the Galra hormone for your heat."

He hated that idea. The feeling of wanting to fucking _smack_ Lotor… he would just take the opportunity of Keith being around him constantly to try to "save" him again. He had been so used to being a prince people loved and apparently was so different from his father that he just couldn't… Keith grit his teeth.

But he had to do it.

"How much physical contact?" he finally asked.

Coran didn't answer immediately.

Keith heart sank. "You recommend constant contact, don't you."

"I would recommend otherwise if I could," Coran told him, apologetically. "However, it is very late into a very intense heat and you have already suffered quite a bit. I fear if we don't tread carefully, your heat may become worse."

Keith shut his eyes tightly. "For how long?" he finally asked.

"Until your heat is over. With luck, it won't take more than a movement!"

He knew Coran was just trying to make it sound like it wasn't that bad. And he had to believe that. He had to know it wasn't that bad.

That would mean Lotor couldn't go anywhere at least until Keith's heat was over. No matter how much he wanted Lotor to go away, he had to at least stay a week at most. Because of Keith. Well, Lance got what he wanted. Keith was the tie breaker. He chose that Lotor stayed, because his stupid brain and stupid body-

Shiro's hand rubbed small circles on his back. "Hey," he said quietly. "What are you thinking?"

"It's noth-" Keith started before Shiro shook his head.

"You're not going to be made fun of and you're not a burden for telling us the truth," he told him gently.

Keith closed his eyes, trying to steady himself. "Lance asked me to be a tie breaker," he finally said. "Remember? And here I am, being one because my stupid brain and stupid body can't be not stupid and do the right thing."

Sudden distress crossed Coran's face, and Shiro gripped his shoulder. "You're making the right decision for you," Shiro told him. "And this isn't the wrong decision about Lotor. All this will do is delay him leaving. This isn't a bad thing. I should be talking to Lotor more anyway about what he knows before he leaves. _This isn't a bad thing._ "

Inhaling, Keith nodded. He had to believe that. It wasn't a bad thing. And if Shiro had to talk to him, Allura probably did too. People had to talk to him. Which meant Keith wouldn't be left alone with Lotor. Which meant Lotor wouldn't be pulling his bullshit.

Wait… Keith looked over at Coran. "Does he… have to sleep in my bed?"

"I'm afraid so."

Never mind this was going to suck.

"We have the override to your room," Shiro reminded him. "If anything happens, we'll be right there."

Keith rubbed his eyes. Damn it. Okay. So. Time to put the depression to one side and think logically about this despite his own stupid brain not wanting to work. Lotor's pheromones helped him. If he was around Lotor constantly, his heat would end faster. And then they could kick Lotor to the curb while they figured out how to make his brain okay.

Once they did that, he would be back out there. Fighting again. Doing his job.

"Alright." Keith looked up at them. "I'm tired of being in heat."

And internally he braced himself. This was going to suck.


	10. Chapter 10

A small amount of savage glee filled Keith as Lance's eyes widened, and he mouthed "do I need to kill him?" as Lotor pulled a growl from Keith's throat by casually laying a hand on his hip, pulling him close. It made him think that his growls weren't pathetic after all. Well, in comparison to Lotor's brutal ones…

He could feel Lotor's hand even twitch on his hip at the growl. Surprise? Did omegas growl? Or maybe an omega growl was actually something, and not pathetic. Well… what role did omegas have in Galra society? With the fact they had heats, it was pretty obvious omegas had the babies, both male and female ones. Keith placed a hand on his stomach, feeling uneasy about that. Was is possible to be trans there too? Like… could he have hormones to make him not an omega? Because that kind of… did not make him feel good. He didn't like the idea when he thought he was just a human trans male. But other than that… did omegas raise children? They would have to have Child Raising Voices then, and probably Child Raising Growls to keep them out of trouble. Which would give him a pretty badass growl, now that he thought about it.

An alpha's growl… a hunter's growl? Or a protector's growl? Keith felt something well inside him, unknown and unnamable, at the idea of Lotor growling at the self-hatred inside Keith. That he wasn't growling at Keith before, but something that had been harming Keith, something that had been keeping him from being happy, healthy.

"This makes you unhappy," Lotor noted.

"What was your first guess?" Keith asked, his voice sharp.

Shiro sighed. "Keith." His voice held a warning note, despite its gentleness. Keith fell silent, tensing as Lotor's hand dipped under his shirt to touch his skin.

At least Lotor wasn't doing too much. Once his fingers touched Keith's skin, they stopped. Just letting the contact happen as he held Keith close. Keith knew he had to relax a bit, had to let Lotor's pheromones sink in and unlock the good shit in his brain so it would flush out the bad shit… He just had to endure it.

Endure it.

Like he always had.

He felt Lotor pulling him closer, then stop as Shiro put up a hand. "Lotor."

"I am aware your human nose does not detect it," Lotor told him, his fingers starting to dig into Keith's hip. "But he is starting to smell more than unhappy. This will help." Keith bristled at that, and Lotor sighed. "My scent will help," he corrected himself. "As would any comfort at this point. An alpha would be what helps him the most, however."

"So what you're saying is we could all hug him at the same time and it would create the same effect," Pidge asked, pushing up her glasses.

"I would not suggest it," Lotor told her firmly. "If he reacts this poorly to a single hand, I doubt he would react well to a mass hug."

"He liked the last one," Hunk pointed out. "Um… did you?"

Keith nodded. It had made him feel… loved. Like he still had a place in Voltron. But even now, he wasn't sure he even _wanted_ to be touched at all, even by his friends. He just wanted to step to one side, listen to what everyone had to say, make plans, and then… go away. Just go away.

"Then what does the group suggest?" Lotor asked, his voice exasperated. "His scent is only growing more distressed."

"Well…" Hunk scratched his nose. "Keith, do you want to be touched right now?"

"Not really," he gritted out.

"Well… I have some things I deal with myself. I've gone to a therapist for them. Talk therapy's done a lot for me. Maybe-"

"I mean, stay on the drug that is Lotor," Lance interjected hastily. "But… have you ever gone to therapy, Keith?"

All the shame he felt about his depression, the shame of the idea of going to therapy, of even the reason why he had the IUD for the first place came back. He shook his head, not trusting his voice.

Lance struck a pose, one Keith knew he meant to show Keith he meant business, but just looked ridiculous. "Then guess who your new therapist is!"

"You hate me, Lance," Keith said flatly. "I'm not talking to you about my troubles."

"I don't-" Lance sighed. "How about we finish up with what we're doing and we'll talk about that, okay? I don't hate you."

Keith didn't believe that for a second.

Lotor took that moment to pull Keith closer, and just as he inhaled to tell Lotor off, his nose was flooded with Lotor's scent. Something eased inside him, the part of him that had been reaching for an alpha the entire time. Had been wanting this the entire time.

He found himself too tired to even hate that now.

  


* * *

  


"You don't even have a degree in anything," Keith pointed out to Lance as Lotor laced their fingers together. "You'd make a terrible therapist."

"Yeah, I know, but hear me out." Lance held up his hands. "Look, I know we got off on the wrong foot. I kind of was a jerk. Hell, Hunk still chews me out at times for still being a jerk to you. But that doesn't change the fact I kind of want to help you. And we all do, Keith. We're all going to try our best to help you."

Keith could feel something sharp in his chest worm its way up to the surface at his words. It almost brought tears to his eyes. He didn't understand why, but it did. "So… you're going to talk to me."

"Nope." Lance smiled. "You're going to talk to _me_. And to Hunk. And to Shiro. And to Lotor if you absolutely need to talk and he's the only one around." Lotor's hand on Keith's twitched at the words. "My point is, you're going to talk to us when you need to and we're going to help you. Because we all care about you."

"I notice you didn't add Pidge, Allura, or Coran to that," Keith told him dryly.

Lance laughed. "You know what Coran's advice is like. Allura… well… I mean, she cares a lot about you, Keith. But I don't think Alteans have the same kind of mental illnesses that humans do. So she'd have a hard time understanding. And Pidge, well… her and tact have an agreement."

Keith snorted. He wasn't wrong. But at the same time, he might need that. Someone blunt that wouldn't fucking coddle him. Someone like Pidge.

"Anyway." Lance smiled at him. "We're all here to help!"

There to help. Keith looked up at Lotor, then at Lance.

Help.

"Fine."

  


* * *

  


He was going to kill Lotor.

He just wanted to _sleep_.

But Lotor wouldn't stop _moving._

"If you don't stop, I will stab you," Keith finally said, fed up as Lotor shifted yet again, pulling Keith's arm with him.

"Hm? My apologies." He sounded… thoughtful. "Does your… Black Paladin always act like that?"

"Go the fuck to sleep."

He heard Lotor sigh, but he stopped moving. Thank God.

What kind of question was that anyway?


	11. Chapter 11

So. He hated to say it. But.

The very next day, Keith almost felt like himself again.

Sure, he woke up with his nose smushed up against Lotor's back, but he woke up relaxed and almost wanting to… smile? Keith slowly sat up, rubbing his face. He felt like taking a _shower._ And _training._ This almost felt strange, after being in heat for so long.

Lotor rolled over, looking up at him with sleepy eyes. "Hm… little omega," he murmured, reaching out to him, fingers trailing over his hips and legs with a very specific and obvious sexual purpose.

Keith reared back, bracing himself to kick Lotor off he bed. Lotor's look of surprise and betrayal before he disappeared over the edge almost made him laugh.

"You're pretty much an anti-depressant right now," he informed Lotor as the exiled prince slowly sat up, a look of bewilderment on his face. "Not something to fuck."

Instead of arguing, Lotor only nodded. "My apologies," he said, standing up. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I need a shower."

Lotor's hand reached out, then stopped, fingers curling back in on themselves as he pulled his hand back to his side. "Would you wish to have my presence while you bathe?" he finally asked as Keith stood, taking a small step to one side so Keith didn't run into him.

He really didn't. He didn't want to be naked around Lotor if he could avoid it. "I'll be fine."

For a moment, Lotor reached out again, but paused before his hand even stretched halfway between them and returned it back to his side. "Then I will wait here to you to finish so I may take my turn."

Keith rolled his eyes, but started to the bathroom. If anything, at least now Lotor was trying not to be an asshole. That was appreciated. And… Keith dropped his clothes into a nearby chute as he entered the shower, groaning as the hot water hit his skin. He could kind of see why Lotor did what he did. At least, he could appreciate it. If Lotor could treat him as a fucking _equal_ instead of someone to be saved.

Slowly, he pressed a hand to his chest at that thought. If he had to go through another heat without any actual drugs, and he had to use an alpha's presence, Lotor's presence… if Lotor treated him like an equal the entire time… it wouldn't be that bad. Annoying, if anything, to have someone glued to him at all times. But it wouldn't be _bad_. Maybe he might even learn a few things from Lotor. Maybe he should drag Lotor down to the training room. He'd been training against robots and the other Paladins for so long. Training against an actual Galra would be something new. Something to challenge him in a different way, and in a way that was probably more suited to what they were actually fighting.

With that thought, he finished up, noticing his clothes had made their way through whatever system the Alteans had and were hanging up, nice and clean, on the far wall. Keith dried himself and dressed again, exiting and looking over at Lotor as he did so.

… interesting.

Lotor was undoing the braid he had put his hair in, face calm as he ran his fingers through the few snarls that had happened despite the braid. His gaze turned slowly to Keith, eyes still relaxed as he finger combed his hair out. It was such a bizarrely intimate moment that Keith looked away, blushing.

"I apologize," Lotor said quietly, his voice bemused. "I suppose I am getting too relaxed with- Are you well? Your face-" Keith could hear him stand, but he didn't look over. And Lotor didn't come closer. "I will take my turn now," Lotor told him, his voice still quiet as he walked past Keith.

"Why did you do that?" Keith asked as Lotor passed him, making Lotor pause.

For a moment, Lotor didn't speak. Then- "Omegas put out a comforting scent of their own," he told Keith. "I had… not been aware of how potent it could be. I will remember this for the next omega I meet. Perhaps…" Keith turned to see Lotor looking at his hand. "Perhaps the next omega I make an alliance with."

"Not the next one you help?" Keith knew just how sharp, how biting his voice was and he didn't stop it.

"Alliances are based on mutual help. Yes, I would be helping the omega… but I would be helped in turn. And it would not be for heat purposes."

Keith fell silent as Lotor entered the bathroom, pressing fingers against his chest.

Then he left the bedroom, his stomach grumbling for breakfast.

  


* * *

  


Lotor did not fight like a Galra.

Lotor did not fucking fight like a fucking normal Galra.

Keith snarled as Lotor jumped over him, spinning to meet him. His blade barely met Lotor's in time, and Keith grit his teeth, taking several steps backwards in hopes to see an opening. Or at least a way he could attack Lotor and not get it turned back on himself immediately. Keith let an impulse guide him, ducking under Lotor's swing to tackle him. Both their weapons went flying, but Keith found himself straddling Lotor's torso, one fist raised as he looked down at him in triumph. Lotor stared up at him in surprise, then grinned.

And flipped him over, grasping his wrists and pinning him easily. "You have quite a bit of Galra strength," he whispered in Keith's ear. "But my heritage gives me more. The next time you have the upper hand, finish the job."

"Your heritage as an alpha?" Keith whispered back, a little bite in the words.

Lotor chuckled, the noise direct in his ear. "No. There is no difference there." He pulled back, a smug grin lining his lips. "My bloodline. My mother was far stronger than any Galra. I inherited that strength."

Keith looked up at him for a moment, then shifted his weight, making Lotor's eyes widen and the smug turn of lips drop as he flipped over again, the surprise allowing Keith to break the grasp. "Thanks for the tips," he told Lotor, standing. "You should take them yourself."

Lotor laid there for a moment… and started laughing. "I did bring that upon myself," he said, sitting up. "I did underestimate you. Ah well. Would you prefer to continue that sort of training, grappling, or would you wish to return to sword training?"

Keith tried to gauge if Lotor was trying to make it sound like he was _allowing_ Keith to choose, and he… couldn't tell. He couldn't tell if this was an actual attempt to treat him as an equal, or another show of how much he was _saving_ Keith.

"I think I'm done," he told Lotor, turning to leave.

He didn't tell Lotor anything as he came close, fingers entangling with Keith's.

It… actually did make him feel better, after all.


	12. Chapter 12

"I would think by tomorrow you will be out of heat," Lotor murmured.

Oh boy did those words sound good. Keith raised his head a little bit, blinking at the sound of Lotor's voice. He didn't sound upset at the idea, just… contemplative. Maybe a little drugged. It felt good to know that Keith could affect Lotor as much as Lotor was affecting him. A little… more equal. Like Keith's status as an omega wasn't a reason for him to be tossed around and used, but- fuck, he didn't know what he was thinking. What equality was here? Lotor was a prince, even in exile. And he didn't know if Lotor knew what "equal" meant. He doubted it. Lotor seemed like the type who was used to a certain status quo. Not really getting what he wanted - it seemed like he could deal with not getting what he wanted - but he was used to certain dynamics.

Keith shifted as he put his head back down on the pillow, pressing his nose against Lotor's arm as his breath hitched, fabric of his shirt moving over his skin in a very _specific_ way and _fuck_. It wasn't overwhelming like before, but there it was. A very distinct awareness of his cunt, and the idea that maybe the depression was overwhelming the need to fuck. That was a thing, right? Depression suppressed a person's sex drive, right?

Lotor's muscles tightened against his nose as he inhaled sharply. "I suppose," he said, his voice strained, "it would be for the best if I leave you be while you relieve yourself."

"It'll go away," Keith mumbled. "I don't- like to think about what I have down there."

That made Lotor shift a little, and when Keith looked up, the look on Lotor's face had turned confused. "Whatever do you mean?"

"I'm… my human genes are female." The words hung hard on his tongue, the feeling of forcing them out almost like vomiting. "So what I have between my legs isn't a dick. It's a cunt."

"That's… normal, for an omega."

"It's not for a human male," Keith informed him.

It took Lotor less than a breath to understand. "Ah. You are saying you were considered female on Earth due to your… genitalia? And this interferes with you relieving yourself during your heat?"

"I am not comfortable talking to you about this," Keith told him tartly.

Lotor sighed. "I know," he said softly. "But increased sexual arousal is normal during your heat." He grew quiet here for a moment, then sighed. "And you may have been suffering through them without realizing it," came the whisper, almost to himself.

Keith's mind flashed back to the previous rounds of depression, then the increased libido, and his first suicide attempt-

"I will remain," Lotor told him gently. "To help the advisor find materials for your medication so you no longer need me. It may take a while as many Galra controlled areas may be on alert for any suspicious activity or persons, but I have faith the rebels can find the materials needed for you before your next heat."

Keith shifted a little, biting back any noises that wanted to rise at his body sweetly reminding him that the depressive part of his heat had passed and now the horny part was back. And that he wasn't quite out of his heat yet, despite it being done _tomorrow_. Which started to eat at him- was that all he was good for? All his body, his… omeganess was good for? Fucking? Breeding? Was-

Lotor's hand patted his head. "Stop that," he said firmly. "Your scent is giving your thoughts away."

"What would my place be as an omega if I was part of the Galra empire?" Keith asked, flexing his hands.

That made Lotor think for a moment. "You are quite good with a sword," he finally said. "Quick thinker as well. I've heard you led Voltron for a short spell? So you do have some leadership qualities… You may have been on track for general. Though, I would have snapped you up quite quickly myself. I value those qualities, and it is not easy to have a different race's blood mixed with Galra's in your veins. My own generals-" Here, Lotor paused before taking a deep breath. "My own generals were mixed, as am I."

Keith blinked. That… almost didn't sound like he thought he had "saved" his generals… or that he thought he would have been "saving" Keith doing so. "So what would you have wanted more, the fact I'm mixed blood or my skills?"

"Oh, skills. As you've known, I don't take any mixed blood Galra as my generals." Lotor grew quiet here, then sighed. "Or, I didn't. I suppose it doesn't matter now."

That… was odd. Keith lifted his head. "What do you mean?"

Lotor only smiled at him, and Keith felt a chill snap down his spine at how wrong it looked. "Well, I don't lead much from here, do I?"

"I suppose not," Keith muttered, settling back down.

"Speaking of leading, does Shiro normally make decisions like that?" Lotor asked, bemused. "I've never seen anyone in a leadership position make decisions that would leave those under him so near to death. He seems he isn't blind to possibilities…"

"He's just stressed," Keith mumbled.

"Stress is part of leadership," Lotor reminded him. "And I wonder about his sudden pain in his head. It is infrequent, but I have caught him holding his head at times."

"Do Galra not have PTSD either?" Keith snapped at him. "Human brains are held together with duct tape and breadsticks. Anything can send them out of balance. Shiro was captive for a year, and then the Galra got their hands on him again for a while. He's going to be a little shaky for a while. We're helping him through his PTSD though. He'll be okay."

"Hm."

"What."

"Only a wish that I am wrong."

Keith sat up. "What do you want to be wrong about?"

Lotor looked up at him. "That what you have is not the Black Paladin."


	13. Chapter 13

"You have one minute to give me a reason not to kick your ass," Keith told Lotor flatly.

"I am not making any accusations," Lotor said easily. "It's only a feeling based on how I had heard Voltron being led before, how Voltron was led under you, and how it is being led now. If I didn't know better, I would have assumed a different leader for all three instances."

"And I told you human brains are fragile pieces of shit," Keith growled. "He dealt with a lot. I don't even know everything that happened to him when he was with the Galra. _Shiro_ doesn't know everything that happened to him when he was with the Galra."

Lotor slowly sat up. "I remind you, I am not accusing him of anything. Simply… pointing something out." Here, he paused for a moment. "I worry this might hinder progress on taking down my father for good," he finally said, obviously changing what he was about to say. "But I do hope I am wrong and this is only a bad feeling."

Keith stared at him for a moment, his heart pounding as his jaw tightened. Lotor had _not_ been there long enough to know how Shiro usually was, or to know what Shiro had gone through. He- Keith growled, grabbing the blanket and throwing it at Lotor. "Floor," he snapped at him.

"Excuse me?"

"You're sleeping on the fucking floor. Move it."

Lotor opened his mouth, then closed it, glaring at Keith. "I think not," he finally said, his own voice a growl.

"You are not going to insult Shiro like that and-"

"It is not an insult!" Lotor's eyes narrowed at his words. "It is worry about your safety."

"I don't fucking need saving, Lotor! When are you going to learn that?"

"I don't wish to save you! I only wish to know you will be safe with your comrades!"

"Maybe you haven't heard, but war isn't safe," Keith snapped at him, his arm tensing as if to throw a punch.

"Perhaps not, but you not worrying about betrayal from within your own ranks and being able to focus on the battles at hand would keep you from being hurt. And I-" Lotor closed his eyes. "Perhaps it is a bad time for me to be around you."

"You should have thought of that before you told me you thought Shiro wasn't Shiro," Keith said coldly.

"I said what I thought needed to be said." Lotor started to pull himself out of bed, and something twisted inside Keith as the scent of Lotor pulled away. "If it is truth or not, I do not know. I will take my leave now."

"Sleep on the floor," Keith suddenly blurted out. He… he couldn't take Lotor leaving. He hated knowing that, but he couldn't take Lotor leaving the room right now. Not with needing something comforting filling his nose.

And by the look on Lotor's face, he seemed to be thinking the same thing. Slowly, he lowered himself to the floor, curling up so his head was resting on his arm. Keith looked down at him, then dropped a pillow on him.

"I do not need a pillow," Lotor told him, sitting up slightly.

"You're getting one anyway. Good night."

"Good night," Lotor murmured, almost too soft for Keith to hear.

  


* * *

  


Lotor didn't touch him at all the next day.

Didn't stand near him at all.

He did talk to him, but only as another teammate. As a Paladin. As a Blade of Marmora.

Keith felt _refreshed_. It felt so good to be treated like this and for it to actually feel _good_. Not to feel like a failure about it. Not to have bad intrusive thoughts about why Lotor wasn't acting the same as before. He felt normal. _He felt normal._

As he entered the dining room, a small smile playing on his lips at this fact, Hunk looked up from where he was reading up on a translation of a new recipe. "Oh, Keith!" He smiled widely, standing. "Man, you look good. Heat over?"

"Seems like it." Keith smiled back at him, a rush filling him at the fact it didn't feel forced in the least. He was so happy he felt normal. Everything was just… good. Stable.

"That's great!" Hunk came over to him, patting his shoulder. "So, you know, you should come talk to me like… every week or something. That's how often I'd talk to my therapist."

Keith's smile started to fade. "I'm feeling better," he pointed out. "I don't need to talk to someone right now."

"Well… I mean, I never dealt with anything as bad as what you went through, but talking to someone every week let me know when I was starting to go downhill. Sometimes it's kind of gradual, you know?"

"Hunk, I appreciate what you're saying, but…" Keith rubbed his face. "No one here is trained to be a therapist. I don't really want to be spilling everything I feel to someone not qualified for it."

"Not even to Shiro?" Hunk frowned. "I mean, if anything, you and Shiro are really close and Shiro really cares about you."

Lotor's doubt about if Shiro was really Shiro came back to him. But Lotor was just… wrong. He didn't know what was going on. What war and torture could do to a person. If any of them went back to Earth right this second, none of their family would recognize them. War changed people. They were all changed.

But…

The little sliver of doubt still wormed its way into his head.

Lotor was wrong. He had to be. Shiro was still Shiro.

Who else would he be?

"I can't worry Shiro about that," he told Hunk. "He has a lot on his plate right now anyway. I'll be fine. And I know when I start getting depressed. Coran's going to get started working on an anti-depressant, actually. I just need to get scanned now that I'm out of my heat so he knows what my brain is supposed to be doing. I'll be fine, Hunk. I promise."

"Well, we're all here for you," Hunk told him, patting his shoulder again. "Just say the word."

When he needed them, he'd be there. But right now, he was okay. He was fine. He was out of heat. Things were great.

Things were just great.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So did you know south Texas could get snow up to 1-2cm thick?
> 
> 'Cause I didn't.
> 
> I did remember we have above ground power lines, though, and stopped writing this chapter when the power started flickering.

Two months of no heat.

One month after kicking Lotor off the ship.

And two weeks into trying a new anti-depressant, hoping it would help Keith stay regulated.

Keith shifted his weight, waiting. His first new mission since… everything had happened. He was running it with the Blade of Marmora, but it was going to be a joint effort. Voltron, Blade of Marmora, the rebels… fuck, even Lotor was putting himself on the field. They all knew how important this mission was. If they took control of this base, they _controlled_ the entire supply chain for the Galra forces in the area, not to mention communications. They needed to take this base.

Kolivan stood in front of him, not bothering to look back. He knew they all had a job to do. Keith knew it too. He touched his mask, making sure it was in place, then his blade, his heart easing as he knew it was in its place. The doors suddenly opened and Keith tensed, rushing out with the rest of the Blades.

And his world…

Narrowed.

Joy almost filled his body at the feeling of doing what it was supposed to be doing. He never thought of fighting what he was supposed to be doing - if he was an omega, wouldn't that be an alpha thing? - But he just felt so _good_ it didn't matter. Whipping his body around like the weapon in his hand just felt… good. Keith grinned under the mask as he made his way through the base, heart still pounding even out of battle, from the sheer thrill of just being back in the field. Back sneaking his way through a mission.

His part of the job was easy. Make his way to the nearest computer and upload a virus for Pidge. The rest of the Blade of Marmora would be disabling any protective measures the Galra had on the base so when Voltron came to attack, it would be over soon. The virus itself should corrupt any of their weapons that weren't on their fighters. It would be so much easier-

"Keith." Shiro's voice pulled him up short. "Once you're done there, Lotor's going to need your assistance."

"With what?" Lotor wasn't even supposed to be _on_ the field yet. Though, Keith supposed he could help Lotor shoot shit down. Would be something fun to do.

"Lotor had to infiltrate the base too. You need to meet up with him. Lotor?"

There was no answer. Keith's heart skipped a beat in his chest at that. Why wasn't there an answer? "Where was he going?"

"The last place he should have been was the hangars."

Keith didn't need to hear more. He turned, rushing towards the hangars. Once he helped Lotor, he could make his way back to his mission. Easy. Turn here, and-

Run into Lotor. "Hey. I thought you were-"

"Why are you here?" Lotor asked, puzzled. "I was told you needed my assistance uploading the virus."

The words made no sense for a moment.

Then the world tilted ever so slightly. "Wh- who told you that?"

Lotor's eyes narrowed.

That was all Keith needed to know. He had heard Lotor's not-accusations about Shiro before. Dizzily, he put a hand to his head. This was all a misunderstanding. Shiro would never-

Lotor grabbed him, pulling him to one side as shots filled the air, one landing right where he would have been. Keith tensed as he turned towards the oncoming threat, ready to take them all on with the exiled prince at his side. He knew how Lotor could fight. They had no chance. He felt Lotor turn away from him as he heard steps coming up behind them.

And then-

They both darted out, blades flashing. Keith didn't bother looking over at Lotor. Why bother? He needed all his attention here, not worrying about someone who could handle himself. But he couldn't help himself as he finished the last guard, sneaking a glance.

Lotor's hair flowed so _beautifully_ as he took down two guards, his own blade creating beautiful patterns in the air. Once he was done, he turned to Keith.

And Keith rushed him, knocking him off his feet as another Galra popped in, almost comically late, and tried to shoot them. Keith pushed himself up off Lotor, keeping low to the ground as he rushed the Galra to take him out with one slash. When he straightened and turned to Lotor, the other was looking at him with an unnamable expression, eyes wide with something strange.

But it faded as Lotor stood. "We will need to return to the Castle," he said, his voice calculating. "How long will it take to upload the virus?"

"Pidge didn't say how long."

"Hm." Lotor's lips turned downward. "I will accompany you. I doubt this is the last trap we'll find ourselves in."

Keith felt something sick build inside him at that. "Yeah." The two of them started towards another computer at that, this one thankfully quite near. Keith started to upload the virus, half waiting for Lotor to jump in with something.

"You are far more aggressive than any omega I have met," Lotor told him, his back to Keith as he watched for incoming Galra. "You almost act alpha, in many ways."

Why did that feel good to hear?

Fuck, was he trans there too and biologically he was an omega but his gender was really alpha?

Enough of that. He needed to focus on the mission. Keith finished uploading the virus, turning to Lotor. "Okay. How are we getting out of here? If Voltron's out there, they're going to attack any Galra crafts."

"I have one of the little ones the Castle of Lions holds," Lotor told him, not yet turning. "It has no firepower, however." He paused, and Keith could almost see him making calculations in his head. "All things the same, I believe we are equal as pilots," he finally said. "I don't believe either of us would be a better fit for flying us back on a weaponless spacecraft through a war zone. However, I do think you are a better fit to be the face the Castle sees when communications open. I believe you should fly the craft."

Keith blinked. "I… okay."

Okay.

The trip back to the pod wasn't bad. They hit some guards, but they were neutralized by Keith and Lotor before anything happened. When they took off, it wasn't that bad either. And then-

Keith grit his teeth, trying to make his way through the battlefield without getting hit. One good hit would completely _obliterate_ them. All his attention turned to flying. Nothing else. Nothing else mattered. He just needed to get there. He just-

"Keith?"

Coran's voice made his head lift slightly. "Coran? We're coming in."

"What's going on, Keith?" Shiro's voice made his teeth grit. How… how could he…

"I'll explain later," he finally managed to say.

Later. He'd… God.

Lotor's presence was actually welcomed at this point.


	15. Chapter 15

"We need to confront Shiro." Keith swallowed, the words hard in his throat, staring at Lotor at across from his room. He knew he had to confront Shiro, but… he really didn't want to. They still had time to figure this out. Voltron was still fighting. He wanted to believe Shiro was still… that it was all…

Lotor shook his head. "We need to kill him," he said, his voice hard. "He attempted to have the both of us killed in battle. We cannot allow… whoever that is to continue. He will put everyone in danger." Lotor narrowed his eyes. "This is not the first time I have had to consider killing a teammate due to betrayal. It will not be the last. But we cannot let that continue. If he is allowed to live, he will try this again, and most certainly with someone who will not be able to fight back."

A growl ripped through Keith, an image of Pidge trying to breathe, her pained face growing blue as Shiro's inorganic arm gripped her throat tighter. But… it was still _Shiro._ He had all of Shiro's memories. Keith shook his head. "Lotor, he acts so much like Shiro," he told him. "Can't- can't he be mind controlled or something? Something we can fix?"

"No." Lotor glared at him. "If we put faith into that, we run the risk of him taking advantage of it. We must completely get rid of the infection."

"Shiro was the only one back at the Garrison that gave a damn about me!" Keith argued, tightness gripping his throat. "When I tried to kill myself, he helped me find ways to get better I didn't think of. He was there to tell the doctors that yes, I did need the IUD even if I hadn't had a kid yet. He's been there for me no matter what. I just can't kill him like that!"

Lotor considered him and his words for a moment. Then- "would the Shiro you know do such a thing as what just happened to us?"

Keith shook his head, clenching his jaw.

"You cannot call what is piloting the Black Lion truly Shiro. Not any longer."

"None of us but me could pilot Black when Shiro went missing," Keith pointed out.

"Was he able to pilot the Black Lion upon return?"

Keith flexed his hands.

Lotor came closer, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I understand how you feel," he told him quietly. "My generals and I were… close, for lack of a better word. Certainly, I could not truly be close to them as I am their commanding officer, but I was far more relaxed and informal with my generals than most. I understand the distasteful idea of having to kill one you are close to, but I also understand you cannot allow it to continue. Had I allowed my general to continue, it would have led to our ruin. Allowing this man to live will almost certainly give the victory to my father." He cupped Keith's chin, lifting it. "We must do this."

For some reason, the touch of Lotor's fingers on his chin made Keith's heart squeeze. "No one's going to let us kill him," he finally said. "And- Lotor, fuck. I-"

Lotor's nose suddenly flared, and his eyes went wide.

"What?"

"… I believe I scented your heat."

A black hole opened in Keith's stomach. "N-no, I- I'm on-"

"If you are, it would only mean I am not needed," Lotor informed him. "You will still have heats. They simply will not debilitate- What's wrong?" he asked, taking his shoulders as Keith couldn't breathe, he couldn't _breathe_ -

"I- I-"

Heat. That need to fuck. His face pressed down as his fingers entered him over and over and he couldn't stop and he couldn't _stop_ -

He couldn't do that again.

The thought he should have let Shiro's plan work flit into his thoughts before Lotor pulled him close, wrapping his arms around him as he pressed his nose to Keith's hair. Pheromones, alpha pheromones flooded his senses and he closed his eyes, shaking.

"I don't want to be an omega," Keith whispered. "I can't- I can't do this."

Lotor stroked his hair. "I am at a loss as to what to say," he told him quietly. "I- I have never encountered anything like this."

The one time he truly wanted Lotor to have an answer, to help him with something, and Lotor didn't know a single thing. Keith started laughing softly, realizing partway through it had morphed into a soft sobbing. And he couldn't stop it, no matter how hard he tried. He couldn't cry right now, he couldn't afford it, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't stop it and he just kept crying against Lotor's chest-

Gently, Lotor led him to Keith's bed, and the two of them laid down. Keith didn't tuck in close, but he pressed his head against Lotor, making sure he could smell him at all times. He needed something good. Something that just… he knew would work right now.

He thought he was over the days of loathing his body so hard.

Keith hated how he couldn't stop a full body sob from wracking his body. He couldn't _stop_ any of it. Not Shiro, not his body, not-

Lotor's slim fingers curled around his chin, lifting it. "Hate me later," he whispered before pressing his lips to Keith's.

Blazing fire spread through Keith at the touch, and he dug his fingers into Lotor's hair as he kissed back, unable to feel like he could get enough. He needed more. More than he could ever get. More- _More-_

Slowly, Lotor ended the kiss and Keith tried to catch his breath, fingers still gripping Lotor's hair. "Why the fuck did you do that?" he finally whispered, loosening his grip.

"Something to break through that loop you were visibly keeping your thoughts in," he told him gently. "Are your thoughts back in working order?"

Keith took a deep breath. "Yeah. I guess."

"Voltron would have returned by now."

Keith swallowed, his fingers tightening on Lotor's hair once again.

"If you allow me, I will make the decision for you, and take all the consequences with it."

Keith shook his head. "He's my friend," he said, meeting Lotor's eyes. "Any decisions, I have to make it."

Lotor looked at him for a moment, then nodded.

Keith couldn't help the whine that escaped his throat when Lotor stood. But Lotor only looked at him curiously. Waiting for an answer. Not asking for an answer.

Not pushing for an answer.

Only waiting to see what Keith wanted.

Keith slowly stood, and nodded at Lotor. "Let's go."


	16. Chapter 16

Keith tried not to stare at Shiro as the group debriefed. He was acting like nothing had happened. It was such a good act that… it made him wonder just how good of an actor the real Shiro was. If he had even ever cared for Keith. If the entire time he had worried about him, cared about him, tried to keep him alive-

Lotor's hand bumped his, asking for permission. Keith bumped it back, a negative answer. Instead of pushing, Lotor crossed his arms, a thoughtful look on his face as he studied Shiro. But he didn't say anything as the meeting ended, and Keith could see the calculating look shift in Lotor's face, his hand starting to reach for his sword.

In a flash, Keith reached out, taking his hand, gripping it tightly.

Lance paused in the middle of talking to Allura, the motion catching his eye. "Hey, you okay?" he asked, worried. Everyone else turned at that, Shiro frowning.

"I-" Oh God. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want to remember how Lotor said he could scent his heat, that he was going back into heat, that-

Lotor turned away from the group, focusing on Keith. "It is the best time," he whispered, and the words sounded so bizarre to Keith. Best time… best time… "He will not be expecting it. And we must not let this go further."

Oh. Killing Shiro. Right. Not- not the heat.

"I can't think," he whispered back, tightening Lotor's hand. "Lotor, I- we-"

"Okay, dude, take one big step back from the Keith." Lance sounded like he was not fucking around.

"It's okay." Keith didn't know why he said that. But it was okay. It was like before with his heat. Lotor's touch, Lotor's scent… he gripped Lotor's hand tighter and shook his head slightly, meeting his eyes.

Lotor nodded, keeping Keith's hand in his as he stepped back.

"Uh… what's going on?" Hunk blinked at them, worry on his face. "Keith, are you okay? You're kinda acting like you're in heat again."

"I believe he is," Lotor said, his voice smooth. "Keith? How are you feeling?"

"Like I'm in heat." Even now, he started to be more aware of the empty spot between his legs, how it begged for a touch- Keith took a deep breath, trying not to scream. He didn't want this. He didn't want to be an omega. He didn't-

"Advisor, could you possibly draw some blood from me?" Keith jerked his head up, staring at Lotor, surprised. "My blood includes alpha hormones. Perhaps we can work from there."

Keith stared at Lotor for a moment. What-

Lotor looked down at him. "I am not sure what bothers you about being an omega," he said quietly, trying to keep it between them. "But whatever it is, perhaps having some samples of alpha hormones will help. However, at the moment, I will taking Keith to lie down." He squeezed Keith's hand as Keith opened his mouth, suddenly very pissed off at his words only to see something in Lotor's eyes. A hint that Keith should shut up and let this happen, he has a reason for this.

So Keith let Lotor take him from the room, leading him around like a good little omega despite how the thought made his skin crawl. It wasn't until they reached Keith's room and the door slid shut behind them that Keith turned to Lotor, furious. "What the fuck? How many times-"

"We needed a spot where we could talk without the others hearing us," Lotor told him. "Your heat was a good excuse. I do apologize for using it in that way, however. But now that we are here…" Lotor let his hand go, starting to pace around the room. "I am completely certain that is not the Shiro you remember."

"For fuck's-"

Lotor shook his head. "I saw his arm start to activate before I reached for my sword. You stopped both of us. He would have been willing to kill both of us right now otherwise. Or… perhaps force me into drawing my blade so I could be seen as a threat, and he would have no repercussions for killing me."

Keith clenched his eyes tightly. Not Shiro… not…

"… Keith? Why are you so distressed over the idea of being an omega?"

He pressed a hand to his stomach, not opening his eyes. Then, slowly, he opened them, looking up at Lotor. "A lot of the reason is I had been told almost until I was in the Garrison that I could only be a girl because of my biology. And now I'm an omega, and it's almost the same. I'm supposed to be the person that makes the babies and stays with them. Except now my body won't _stop_ when I want it to. I spent hours here before, fucking myself because I couldn't- I couldn't _stop_." Keith swallowed. "Add in how my mental state drops, even on these anti-depressants, and I just-"

"You think you should have been born something else. Perhaps an alpha."

"You've noticed I don't act like an omega," Keith pointed out. "That I do a lot of alpha things."

"That is true. It's only… this sort of thing is unknown to Galra. Omega's mental states usually do not drop- in fact, I've heard the majority of them enjoy their heats. Sex is fairly uneventful otherwise, and there are studies that say a heat is when the omega gets the most enjoyment out of sex. This entire mental drop makes no sense to me at all. But-" Lotor sighed. "May I touch you?"

Slowly, Keith nodded.

Lotor's fingers rest against his jaw, gentle. "Those of us not fully of Galra blood have to worry of these things," Lotor murmured, his thumb running along the jawbone. "Genetics, it seems, has changed what is normal to those with Galra blood." He stared down at Keith thoughtfully. "I asked the advisor to draw a sample of my blood to see if my alpha hormones may help with how you feel. It will not, biologically speaking, make you an alpha, however-"

Keith blinked. "Are you suggesting basically putting me on an alpha version of testosterone?"

"I do not understand."

"It's… a hormone that men make a lot of that is used to help physically transition a trans man. Um-" Keith tried to think of the right words so Lotor would understand.

"I don't believe it's the same. You would most likely still have heats, and you would still be able to conceive. However, you would probably not even notice your heats minus a dip in your emotional state and perhaps a slight extra enjoyment during sex. I'm… not completely sure, however." He dropped his hand, sighing. "It has never been done before and I am throwing theories into the air hoping one turns into reality."

Keith blinked at him, his mouth slightly open.

Then he rushed Lotor, kissing him deeply.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't expect the same kind of output I've been having. Right now, my back is killing me, and it's been doing that more and more after work. I'm trying to mitigate the pain the best I can, but sometimes it's driving me to bed as soon as I get home. FYI is all I'm saying here.

Almost instantly, Keith realized what he had done and pulled back. He licked his lips as he took a step back, coughing. When he looked up at Lotor, however… Lotor had a dazed look. What hap- oh. The omega pheromones. "You okay there?"

"I- ah, yes." Lotor shook his head as if trying to clear it. "I now understand why there are more omega generals than one would think. That scent- it would bring their men together to work as a cohesive whole rather than reckless immature young soldiers."

Keith swallowing, rubbing his arms. Well, a good thing about being an omega, anyway. "So… Shiro."

"Killing him is still the best option."

"We can't do it in front of everyone," Keith told him, starting to feel distracted. Damn it. He forced himself to focus on the important thing, not his body. "Everyone's going to try to stop us."

Lotor tilted his head, and Keith watched various calculations float through his mind. "We may have to goad him into attacking us first, unprovoked," he said, musing. "If Shiro is as you say he is, he would not attack any of his Paladins like that. The more I think of it, the more I think Shiro was not about to attack me. He knew I was watching, and he was attempting to force me into believing I had to defend myself. It would look as if I was trying to kill the Paladins of Voltron, and the rest would defend him. You…" Lotor's eyes narrowed. "I wouldn't be surprised if he asked you to a secluded place and disposed of your dead body quietly, making a story about how you were killed on a mission for the Blade of Marmora."

That was… nauseating. Keith rubbed his arms, trying not to shiver.

"Now… I doubt he will do that. I- quiznak." Keith blinked at the sudden cursing, strange from Lotor's rich cultured voice. "We need to find the others. He may start becoming desperate, and kill one of them while alone to frame us."

"That-" Keith turned towards his door, instinct spurring his feet forward out of the door. Someone was in danger right now. They had to be. His heart seized at Lotor's words, his entire self telling him Lotor was right and his team was in danger from someone they thought was good, thought was their leader, someone they could trust-

Allura turned as they entered the Star Room, her hair still caught up and still in her Paladin armor. "Keith?"

"Where is Shiro?"

"He and Lance are talking. Are you doing well, Keith? Is your heat-"

Keith ignored Allura, spinning on his heel and rushing out. Lance. Lance considered Shiro his hero. Of course whoever this was would go after Lance. Of course-

Where were they? Keith felt his breath scrape in his chest as he ran, trying to find them. Where? Where could they be? Was Lance even still alive at this point? Was… was Keith being a broken omega giving Shiro enough time to-

A thud caught his attention. Loud, heavy… a body? Oh God, was it Lance? Keith turned the corner, reaching for his blade as he skid to a stop.

Lance-

Shiro-

_Lotor-_

Lance held his throat, gasping for air as he stumbled away from the other two. Keith felt something horrible knot his throat as he saw the print on his skin. He turned to Lotor and Shiro, watching Shiro slowly get up from where he had been thrown against the wall.

Something terrible glinted in Shiro's eyes.

Keith held his dagger up, waiting.

Suddenly, Shiro's arm lit up, brilliant purple in the hallway as he grasp the wrist, dropping to his knees. The arm glowed brighter and brighter, sparks arcing up the metal to the fleshy body attached-

And then it went dead, and Shiro slumped, his prosthetic lying limp in his grasp.

Lotor pulled his blade, his wrist turning it in a swift beautiful arc before he pulled his arm back, ready to strike. Ready to kill him.

"Don't."

Lance's voice could barely be heard. Keith turned, seeing him look up at the rest of them, tears streaking his face as more rose in his pained eyes. "Don't kill him," he said, his voice barely above a pained breath, as if the act of talking hurt.

"We cannot allow him to hurt others," Lotor told Lance firmly.

Shiro looked up at them, and… he looked resigned. Ready. A man that had seen death and welcomed it-

"Lotor." Keith lowered his own blade as he stepped forward, heart pounding in his ears. "Who are you?" he asked the Shiro in front of him.

"Something that should have never been born," Shiro said back, slumping. "I'm… not your Shiro."

"How long have you known that?"

"Since… Naxzela failed to kill us."

"Keith." Lotor's voice was low. Warning. Be careful.

"I'm not your Shiro." He closed his eyes. "And if they find out I can't do my job, I'm a dead man anyway. Well, dead clone. Same difference."

"So, what, you just want us to kill you?" Keith didn't like even saying those words.

Shiro's lack of a response was enough.

Keith looked over at Lance, still seeing his face twisted in pain, then over at Lotor. "We're not doing anything until Lance gets in a healing pod," he finally said. "Lotor, keep a close eye on him."

Shiro slowly stood, and Keith noticed… the Galra arm moved like dead weight. Not like he was pretending it didn't work, like it actually didn't work. It moved in ways an arm with nerves still attached would never move, slamming hard against Shiro's side to the point of making him wince slightly.

Keith swallowed.

"Take him to the others," he said instead. "If anything, you'll have Allura to help you rush him if he tries anything. Hunk and Pidge can look at that arm, see what that whole sparking thing was about. I'll take Lance to the med bay."

Lotor looked at him for a moment, then nodded, leading Shiro away at sword point.

Keith turned to Lance as Lance chuckled. "Man, he has it hard for you," Lance squeezed out, still holding his throat. "Can I give him the shovel talk? I never get to give the shovel talk. I'm-" He coughed, painfully. "I'm always the one getting it," he finally said, his voice giving out at the end.

With a sigh, Keith started leading him down the halls to the med bay. "Stop talking."

"You've met me, right?"

Keith glared at him.

Lance just grinned, pained but satisfied with himself.

"Just get into the healing pod when we get there and never say another word about this."

"No guarantees."

Why couldn't Lance go back to hating him? He understood that, not… what Lance was trying to do here.

Whatever.

He had to worry about Shiro first.


	18. Chapter 18

Pidge had the fake Shiro's arm hooked into her laptop when Keith entered, Hunk poking around in it as she typed away. Lotor easily had his sword to his throat, looking deceptively bored. But Keith had a feeling all of them could see how he was paying attention, ready to kill the fake Shiro at any moment.

"What've you figured out?" he asked, looking over at Pidge and Hunk.

"It's probably a good thing it shorted out," Pidge said, distracted. "From what I can tell, it has a transmitter in it. I'm trying to see if I can get an idea what it was transmitting."

"It was probably to the Galra empire," Allura bit out, her words short and angry.

The fake Shiro closed his eyes.

"Where is the real Shiro?" she continued, taking a step forward. "What have you done with him?"

"I didn't even know I wasn't the real Shiro until the arm shorted out," he told them, his voice quiet. Almost ashamed. "The Galra made me think I was. I guess if I believed it you would too, huh?" He huffed out a quiet laugh, exactly how Shiro would. "I don't know where the real Shiro is. I just know it's not me."

"What do you know?" Keith demanded. He wanted Shiro back. He wanted- No. Not now. His heat took backseat to whatever was happening now. They had to figure out what was going on.

"That I thought I was Shiro until the arm shorted out and I realized I wasn't. I really wasn't." The fake Shiro looked at Keith, his eyes sad. "Sorry for undermining you, Keith. It probably didn't help your depression at all."

His heart squeezed at the words. That's something that real Shiro would say. This Shiro was so much like the real thing Keith wanted to _believe._ He wanted to call Lotor off and hug him, tell him everything was okay and everything was going to be okay, he-

But nothing was okay because this wasn't the real Shiro. The real Shiro was out there doing who knew what. He might have been captured and tortured again by the Galra for all he knew and the fake Shiro here kept them from looking for him. But instead of being able to get angry, instead of wanting to run the fake Shiro through, he just…

Wanted to hug him.

Shiro had been the first person to really _try_. He had a memory of a gynecologist brazenly using his name and pronouns in front of one of the worst foster mothers he had, but… Shiro had been his _friend._ He had saved his life when he tried to kill himself in the Garrison. He had advocated for him. And now what stood in front of him was… wasn't Shiro, but looked so much like him. Acted so much like him. And Keith just- wanted it to be Shiro.

Rage suddenly filled him at that thought. It wasn't Shiro in front of him. This was an imposter. He tried to kill him and Lotor. And Lance. He could still try to kill them all.

But it all drained quickly, leaving him with a headache and a yawning pit in his stomach. Yeah. This was his heat. Anger to a ridiculous degree and this horrible feeling in his stomach that wouldn't stop.

"Pidge, what have you figured out?" he asked instead, turning to her. This fake Shiro wasn't going to make him feel better no matter what he did. If he hugged him, it wasn't Shiro he was hugging. And the fake Shiro might decide to hurt him when he did so. No, he had to figure out where the real Shiro was. They needed to find _Shiro_.

A choke caught all their attention, and they all turned to see the fake Shiro holding his mouth with his remaining hand, a dark liquid gushing over it. A dark, red-

His skin was growing more and more grey, more and more _decayed_ looking-

"Get him into the cryopod!" The words ripped from Keith's throat as he rushed forward. When his hands touched the fake Shiro, he felt cold, cold skin…

Allura pushed him aside, picking the fake up easily and turned, heading out towards the cryopods, Coran following her. Keith started to follow them only for Lotor to stop him. "Stop," Lotor told him. "He's to be dead before they reach the med bay."

Keith turned to him, ready to snarl at him when he caught Pidge burying her face in her hands. He looked over at her as she took a long shaking breath. "It just received another transmission," she whispered. "Right before he- And then it did a check-"

"And it realized it wasn't attached to a person," Hunk whispered, horrified. "Does that mean there was something inside him that-"

"It sent something out." Pidge just breathed for a few moments, shaking. "I think so. I think someone hit a kill switch inside him."

Keith swallowed, the floor under him shifting uneasily. His mind started shifting with it, floating and unsure. He looked down at his hands, thinking he could still see dark, dark red-

"We need to find Shiro." Was that his voice? How was it so steady? So strong? He didn't know how he was saying that. But he was right. They needed to find Shiro. "Pidge. Can you track the transmission?"

"Yeah." She took a deep breath, pulling off her glasses to clean them as she let the breath out. "My program's already doing that. We should find it soon." Pidge looked up at him. "Want me to send them a virus?"

"Better than that." Keith looked at the other three of them, seeing Lotor grasp it first. He nodded at Keith, giving his approval. "We're going. We're going to kill every single one of them."

"Uh, Keith-"

"They sent us a fake to kill us, and probably so we wouldn't look for the real Shiro, and now they killed this fake just because they knew we knew. We're taking them all down," he said, ignoring Hunk.

"He's not dead yet," Allura announced as she entered, blood staining her armor. "It does not look good, but he lives. And I agree. We must make them pay for what they've done. Even if he was sent to kill us, this Shiro regretted it once the arm was removed."

He was still alive. He wasn't dead yet. Keith closed his eyes tightly, something welling up inside him at the thought. It wasn't tears, though he wasn't sure that wasn't coming. But-

When Lotor placed his hand on his shoulder, gentle, questioning, he leaned into the touch, welcoming the alpha scent to soothe the effects of his heat. Of what was happening. Of… all of it. He looked up at Lotor slowly, then away as Lotor cupped his face.

"It will be fine," Lotor told him quietly. "You will exact your revenge, and you will find your friend. It will be fine."

Keith looked up at him again.

"With you."

Lotor's eyebrows jumped at Keith's quiet words. Then, he nodded.

"We will find him," he vowed, stepping in closer, heedless of the others around. "And we will show them why it was foolish to attempt to kill the Paladins of Voltron."

Keith took a deep breath, taking in all the alpha scent, feeling his body react, parts of him become more sensitive, more aware in his mind. "We will."

He knew they would.


	19. Chapter 19

"You need to rest." Keith took a step back as a determined look crossed Hunk's face. "You haven't even left the Star Room since we had that problem with clone Shiro. If you keep this up, you're going to collapse. So-"

"I'm fine," he told Hunk hastily. He had to tell Hunk he was fine or else he was going to be brought back to his room. And given his entire body was telling him yes, go back to the room, good things were to come if he did that- No. He didn't have time to do that again. He didn't want to back and fuck himself stupid. Or- His gaze turned towards Lotor.

Fuck, his lower body was telling him that would be good. Exactly what he needed. An alpha between his legs. Something inside him said he didn't even really didn't even need to _climax_ , per se, as long as Lotor was there, right where he could get pregnant. Keith shuddered hard at the thought, bile rising to his throat. Everything he didn't want. He took another step back as Hunk reached out, shaking his head.

Lotor looked at him, eyes flicking up and down his form. Even like that, Keith could tell he was worried. But he didn't say anything. He just watched Keith, waiting for him. Waiting… for him to make his own decision, like he would be behind anything Keith did. The urge to tell Lotor to take him rose in his mouth before Keith looked away, clenching his fists so tightly it hurt.

He didn't realize Lotor had come over to him until Lotor took one hand, slowly pulling his fingers out of a fist. "You are hurting yourself," he murmured as he held Keith's hand. "I agree with your friend. To be at your peak fighting potential when we arrive, you should rest."

When Lotor put it that way, it just made sense. Keith sighed, his hand flexing on Lotor's. "I think you know why I can't do that," he said, trying not to snap at him.

Lotor's nostrils flared as he inhaled, taking in Keith's scent. "I see." Lotor looked down at their hands, then let Keith's go. "Then, perhaps, instead of retiring to your room, perhaps laying down in the common room?"

Around people. So he wouldn't be tempted to fuck himself. Keith nodded. "Yeah. I guess I could do that." He started to leave, not realizing how drowsy he felt until he was moving. Maybe he needed that nap more than he thought. And, in fact, as soon as he curled up on the bench, he fell right into a dreamless sleep. To the point when he woke, he felt hungover, his head pounding and every part of him still wishing to go back to sleep.

But Lotor was sitting next to him, almost casual, and he looked over at Keith as he sat up. "Your Blue Paladin has exited the med bay," he informed Keith. "The others have kept him busy so he would not look for you. His personality is a bit… abrasive, as I've seen." Lotor's face grew darker at the words. "And I've heard the two of you do not always get along, despite his recent efforts. Your friends decided it would be for the best you do not see him at this moment."

"What about you?" Keith asked, voice rasping from sleep.

Lotor stared at him for a moment. Then, quietly, "I agreed with them. It's strange. Ever since truly getting to know you, and how truly varied omegas are- no, that omegas are not what I thought they were, not Galra I needed to help, but rather… in your case, I _wish_ to help. Ever since easing your last heat, I've- I do not know what I've been thinking. Only that, I suppose, that I feel…" Lotor raised a hand, brushing a forelock out of Keith's face. "I feel even if I cannot help you, as long as you are happy, I am happy."

Keith's heart pounded in his chest at the whisper-fine touch of Lotor's fingers against his skin as he brushed his hair away. The pounding radiated outward, through his arms and to his fingertips, down to pool between his legs. He knew he would be sopping wet if he would take his pants off and climb on top of Lotor, begging for Lotor's cock to enter him and fuck him stupid-

He had a hard time closing his lips around the words.

And horribly, Lotor looked down at his mouth before looking back into his eyes, the question clear as he did so.

Keith didn't know where he found the strength to answer, but he said, "We need to check on Shiro."

"Of course." Keith could see something flash in his eyes, buried deep, but Lotor only stood, waiting for Keith to stand as well.

Lotor's alpha scent just flooded his nose as he stood, though, his body so close to Lotor's…

Keith had a vague memory of grabbing Lotor's head and pulling it down, kissing him. He should have felt bad about this, but right now… it was safe to kiss Lotor. The fake Shiro wasn't going anywhere. Everyone was keeping Lance busy, and because of that, Lance was keeping them busy. It was just them at the moment. And right now, he just wanted to kiss Lotor. He just-

His back hit the bench again as Lotor pressed him down, one leg sliding over to straddle him. Keith sighed sharply as Lotor's lips left his, trailing down to his throat to scrape sharp fangs across the skin there. Hands pushed his jacket over his shoulders, allowing Lotor more access to his neck and shoulders. He was so _wet_ and he wanted Lotor _so much_ , not as an alpha, but as Lotor, as-

Keith suddenly pushed Lotor away, making Lotor sit up as fear seizing him.

No. Not Lotor. He couldn't- he couldn't get close to Lotor. He couldn't _fall_ -

"Keith?" Lotor's voice was so warm, caring, _worried-_

And Keith just knew it wasn't an act. It wasn't Lotor wanting to save him out of… why he wanted to save people. It was Lotor. It was Keith. It was-

"Fuck." Keith pressed his hands to his forehead, breathing heavily. "Fuck." He swallowed, closing his eyes. "Lotor, we- I-"

Lotor just waited.

Slowly, Keith lowered his hands. "We need to worry about saving the universe first," he finally said. "We can-"

_Fall in love_

"-later."

If there was a later.


End file.
